Young Adults with Additional Needs: How a Life Plan Can Help Forge a Better Future
Have you ever woken up in the morning and thought, ‘My life has drifted; it’s not turned out as I imagined; this isn’t where I expected to be’? If so, you’ll know that we have been able to make the most of the situations we found ourselves in, and it’s turned out ok. However, our young adults are not usually so adaptable, and the ramifications of living an unplanned life could be devastating.
For many years, I didn’t have a plan for my daughter. I had a vague notion of trusting the education system and hoping for the best. I saw teachers, occupational therapists, and speech and language therapists make a difference in her development, even though she continued to fall behind her peers, but as the end of full-time education loomed, I couldn’t imagine her having the skills she needed to live the life she wanted without me around to support her.
I realised that my daughter needed a holistic life plan. We, as a family, needed clarity on what she actually wanted in her life and from life. We needed to identify goals, priorities and values. This would help us focus on what really mattered so that we wouldn’t get distracted, and it would be easier to evaluate different options and choose the ones that best align with our goals. It would also motivate us by reminding us of what was most important because a life plan makes us accountable for our own success. It helps us to take ownership and control of the choices we make.
Debra, my wife, and I had to do something we had not done with our own lives – identify a long-term plan with short and medium-term priorities. We needed to consider what we wanted the year 2050 to look like for our daughter, but also to think deeply about what the next year might bring, and then the next three, five and ten years. Establishing this vision enabled us to simplify and focus our efforts, otherwise the objective of achieving greater independence might seem too big to accomplish. We needed to break down each goal into smaller, actionable steps (or ‘stops’) to move us closer to our overall goal. This became the Red Giraffe Route Map.
After we set our direction, we needed to be able to assess progress. We wanted to ensure we reviewed our goals regularly to make sure we were heading in the right direction. That is not to say we shouldn’t adjust as necessary along the way – we knew our goals and priorities would change over time, especially as what’s possible changes as both our daughter and the world develop. Our life plan therefore needed to be able to reflect new options and changes of opinion and incorporate them as necessary. We also had to remember to celebrate successes along the way.
The benefits of a written plan:
1. To avoid regrets - When our children are born, we are full of enthusiasm for teaching them about the world and how to live in it. When our children have additional needs, we may find this often yields little progress and we become frustrated and disappointed somewhere along the way. We lose some of our teaching energy and ambition, but it is our children who lose out. They don’t learn to do the things that would give them more freedom and control over their lives, because we are tired and find it quicker, easier, and less hassle to do it ourselves. In the long term, they may struggle when we are no longer around to support them. We cannot find a way to defy the laws of nature and the ageing process, so instead we must somehow overcome our frustrations and find the energy to start again, but this time in a smarter way and with a life plan. The worst thing we can do is let our own weaknesses and limitations hold us captive as this will lead to our fears of our children being left alone, vulnerable in the world, coming true.
2. Provide clarity and filter opportunities - We know who matters most but not always what. Often we don’t know how to make a life plan, or we think making one will be too hard, excessively long, or just a little bit too scary. However intimidating it might seem, the cost of not having a life plan will be greater because we won’t prioritise what is most important, nor base decisions around this because we don’t know what we want to achieve. Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy, authors of Living Forward: A proven plan to stop drifting and get the life you want, suggest that a life plan provides clarity on what needs to be done so that we naturally focus on what’s most important to us. It outlines our priorities and filters opportunities to ensure we always do what matters most.
3. Help us face reality - This can be incredibly difficult because we like to think that somehow it will all turn out alright. We hope luck will smile on our children, but there is always that thought at the back of our mind, will it? We try to ignore the perils of our child’s situation because they are safe now, while they are with us, but the reality is that if we don’t face the truth, however challenging, our children will not be able to live a full life, filled with stimulating activity and a sense of achievement. The consequence is an underprepared and unskilled child, lacking in self-esteem and self-value, confused in a world they don’t understand, and secretly feeling that they aren’t worth much because they can’t do much. If, however, we confront our challenges head-on, we can, with effort, imagine a different reality, a better destination. There is no reason why they can’t have a great future in which they are safe, happy, and have a real sense of self-worth, but we need to be active in the process to make it happen.
Remember that writing a life plan is a personal process, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Over the last twenty years, we have learned to do things differently, and we shall continue to do so. We wanted to take time to reflect on what was important for us, not what everyone else does. For too long we did not have an answer, but working through this process eventually enabled us to clarify our vision. I hope this book will inspire and support others to start planning earlier than I did.
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This is an adapted extract from What's Possible? Plan a better future for your young adult with additional needs by Graham Caldow.
Graham Caldow lives with his wife Debra in the South of England and is the father of two daughters. Having run various businesses for over 20 years, Graham now dedicates his time to supporting parents to help their children build the skills they need to live the life they deserve. Through Red Giraffe Solutions, he helps parents of children and young adults with additional needs answer the question: "What's next for my child?”.
As the parent of a young adult with additional needs himself, his ultimate goal is to ensure they are financially secure, independent and fulfilled through bespoke life plans covering topics such as finances, building relationships and living with purpose.
In his new book What's Possible? Graham shares his experience supporting his daughter and explains how he created simple models to create a personalised life plan to ensure a secure future.
Originally Released On 11 January 2024