The Life-Changing Power of Mentorship
Mentoring in many guises has been hugely significant in achieving my career and life goals. The guises have ranged from a casual one-off piece of advice from someone I look up to, to a formal mentoring relationship and actually being a mentor myself.
If you think about the pivotal decisions you’ve made, even if you have not actively sought out a mentor, it is likely that many of these decisions would have been made in consultation with someone you look up to, relate to, or whose guidance you value. The subject you decided to study at university or sport you became good at were probably in some way down to a teacher inspiring you, encouraging you and enabling you to see what it is you need to do to succeed at this. I chose to have kids because of advice from a similarly career-minded aunt who convinced me that the niggling feeling that I might regret it if I didn’t was worth listening to.
I was the first person in my firm to request an irregular working arrangement many years ago of spreading 30 hours per week flexibly over 5 days. At the time, this was unheard of. People worked 4 and, less frequently, 3 days a week, but the degree of flexibility I was asking for had never been requested. It was unfortunately necessary for me due to childcare issues as I had two kids in schools far away from each other but starting and finishing at the same time and would need to pay two different babysitters in order to co-ordinate the school run, at which point there wasn’t a very compelling financial reason for me to work at all. It helped that I was prepared to leave my job for a year or two since another company, albeit paying less, was able to offer me a 10am to 2pm role so I could do one of the school runs.
It was a colleague with an interest in mentoring who had set up a mentor/mentee matching scheme at our firm who put me in touch with one of the most senior individuals in our firm as my mentor. When I mentioned my ideal working arrangement to this mentor, she did me the biggest favour by not batting an eyelid and simply instructed me to create a business case as to how this would work in practice and make my bosses an offer they couldn’t refuse. This emboldened me to even ask this of my boss, which I wouldn’t have dared do beforehand. The working arrangement couldn’t be accommodated in my current team, but fortunately it could in another team, and I stayed on at the firm.
This was life changing. It enabled me to stay on in my role and, better still, it wasn’t long before many others within my firm started to request the same. It is also what led me to join the Work Life Central (or Citymothers as it was then called) mentoring scheme so I could learn to be a mentor myself and be matched with others in similar roles in other firms and companies who would like to make a business case for flexible working.
It was during the Work Life Central mentoring training that I was paired with other women and given exercises to try and mentor each other on various topics. A topic I picked was a phobia of public speaking. The very senior lawyer I was paired with, listened to me and questioned me on this topic, without advising or suggesting, but reflecting back to me what I was saying. This, to my utter astonishment, led me to my own conclusion that I wasn’t in fact afraid of public speaking at all, but afraid of technology playing up or my talk being derailed by interruptions and questions. I had convinced myself that this fear of public speaking was a career-limiting phobia. It turns out that I was in fact wrong that it was career-limiting and wrong that I was phobic of it. If anything, the feedback on my public speaking when I had given training sessions at work was very positive.
We rarely have the luxury of time in life to be discuss our barriers and concerns with someone or even think about them ourselves and the very act of being listened to and having someone reflect back to you what you are saying can help unlock these barriers or reach a decision you were struggling with.
The firm I work at operates a reverse mentoring scheme where more senior people are mentored by junior grades. This helps create an understanding of perspectives at different levels within an organisation and I find helps mentor and mentee equally. As a Generation Xer, I’ve gained valuable insights from a Generation Z, which helps me as a manager at work but also outside of work since my daughter is also Generation Z. Having been at the firm longer, I am in a better position to effect some change as a result of these insights and provide career path guidance or help in navigating the firm.
My tips on finding a mentor would be as follows:
Look out for schemes in your workplace to be matched with a mentor or mentee or ideally find training on how to be a mentor as it is helpful, not just for your career, but more generally in life too, especially in parenting.
If there aren’t schemes at your work, look elsewhere in other networks. This is when I went to the Work Life Central network for example.
There is something to be learnt and gained from everyone so be open to having mentors who are more junior to you and or from a different industry as they may have a fresh perspective.
You may need more than one mentor, in fact many people have 2 or 3. You could have one who is in a position to help you in your career perhaps; one who understands your industry in particular and maybe one in an analogous life situation i.e. balancing caring responsibilities with a career for example. If you can’t find these at work, try your industry body, Work Life Central or think of contacts you know who you think might be helpful to you and don’t be afraid to ask them. They will most likely be flattered! I’ve mentored an ex-colleague’s wife when she wanted to request a flexible working arrangement because he knew that I had experience in this area.
In mentoring others, you gain so much yourself. Apart from new friendships and the satisfaction of helping someone, you often learn a lot about yourself, your values and can crystallise your own thoughts when trying to help someone else.
Consultation is the key to better decision making. A problem shared can before you know it, no longer be a problem at all!
This article was written by Anushka Cross. Anushka works full time as a lawyer for a professional services firm, is married with two kids aged 11 and 13 and has been involved in many mentoring initiatives both within her firm and outside of it.
Originally Released On 13 December 2023