Should You Be Talking To Your Children About Race?

This is a common question that pops up a lot… should I be talking to my children about race? I think the common fear amongst minority parents and white parents, is compromising their children’s innocent at a young age and talking about big topics can have detrimental effects on their development.

However, this is far from the truth. Studies have shown that children start using race as a factor to choose playmates, at as early as 2 years old and the unconscious conclusions just start building from there. Not talking to your children about race can have disastrous effects as it allows your children to draw their own conclusions, without correction.

We have included some tips below on how to start talking to your children about race.

Challenge your own understanding of Racism

This, as a starting point, can be huge in itself. Challenge your own definition of racism. What do you think racism is? Do you see it as bullying in the playground, the shouting of racial slurs or the not choosing a friends based on their skin colours? Yes, this is all correct, but racism runs so much deeper than that in our society. I have included 3 definitions below to help you build on your understanding of the term “racism”.

Institutional Racism = this is compounded racism in our society. This includes a decreased access to goods, services and opportunities of society based on race. Including access to material goods, power, fair representation. This type of racism fuels the other 2 types in our society.
‘Personally Mediated’ Racism = This is your individual acts of bullying and discrimination. This is fuelled by institutional racism, as the institutions we live in have lead individuals to feel valid in their lower opinion of non-white minorities.
Internalised Racism = individuals from the persecuted races or groups accept the idea that their worth is lower. This can show up as things like hair straightening, skin bleaching, preferring to have white friends over friends that look like themselves, a feeling of low self-worth or hopelessness.

This is also fuelled by Institutional Racism, by living in a society that projects messages that non-white races are worth less, less educated, and less successful through their own doing (this is reinforced by the denial of racism by governments).

Have Open Conversations

It can be tempting as a parent to shut conversations down that make us feel uncomfortable, but that is only from our own conditioning of “we do not talk about someone’s race”. Encourage conversations about differences and how difference is beautiful. Allow your children to ask questions about skin colour, religions, languages, accents and try and provide open answers that educate your children. It is ok not to know everything, it might be fun project to research some things together.

Celebrate Diversity

Make it part of your family ritual to celebrate events from other cultures and marginalised groups. Try and give your children a background of what these are events are about, even if it means explaining how this group was unfairly treated in the past and how this event is a celebrate of their freedoms now. Things to consider celebrating.

Black History Month
Asian History Month
Local Pride Events
Chinese New Year

Become an Anti-Racism Champion

As parents it’s really important for us to start becoming aware of discrimination around us and how subtle messaging can reinforce unconscious white supremacy. We must start recognising these things around us and help us to explain these things to our children, as why they may not be correct. Some examples include:

Is the History teacher at your children’s school constantly mispronouncing the names of minority children? Bring this to the school’s attention.
Is that charity advert on TV only showing images of white volunteers rescuing malnourished black children? Point it out, as have an open discussion with your children
Is that Hollywood film your watching representing Muslims as terrorists again? Point it out, have the discussion and celebrate some positive contributions from Muslim around the world.

These things might be hard to spot at first, but it will get easier over time, and give your children the tools to be able to spot these things in the future. If you have any questions or concerns about talking to your children about race, feel free to get in touch via our website.

Breakfast Clubs Against Racism is new non-profit, running free breakfast clubs for kids, aged 10-13 in London. The clubs begin in the Autumn term, taking place on Saturday mornings and will teach young people will learn about anti-racism and how to make a positive impact on the world. You can find out more and book here.