Peer Pressure
As children move into secondary school, dealing with peer pressure can become a more pressing issue. How do children – and parents – respond to expectations of an ‘instagrammable lifestyle’, being available 24/7 or sharing personal information online? Vicki Shotbolt, CEO of ParentZone, shares some sound advice.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the challenges of raising children in a digital world. It is no exaggeration to say that the Internet has fundamentally changed family life. It has changed communication, access to information and of course family entertainment. Who hasn’t had a family box set binge? For parents, it has also introduced a whole new set of parenting challenges.
At Parent Zone we specialise in helping families to get the best from the Internet – and avoid the worst. We hear from parents struggling with these challenges every day. Often it’s a parent worried about something that has gone wrong online. A silly post; a naked picture or perhaps a child who is ‘addicted’ to their screens. Quite often, peer pressure is involved. The difficulty with peer pressure in its modern form is that it is often amplified by the Internet. What was once a simple – if still potentially problematic - matter of a young person wanting to fit in with their local peer group is now significantly more complex. Digital peer pressure operates at scale. Driven by ‘likes’ and the dreaded ‘online challenge’ culture it has become much harder for parents to identify the source of any peer pressure and to minimise its impact.
But there are things that can be done and as ever, it usually comes down to doing all the things parents have always done but gearing it up to ensure it meets the demands of digital parenting.
The first step is to understand modern peer pressure. It is essential to remember that the peer group your child is being influenced by might be online. This can include online communities promoting specific behaviours – including some dangerous or unhealthy ones like pro anorexia sites – or it might simply be a large group of friends on sites like Instagram or Snapchat sharing seemingly perfect lives through carefully curated photos. What’s important is that you always consider the peers your child mixes with in the virtual world and not just the physical world. Once you know who their virtual peer group is you can talk about them and familiarise yourself with the sort of messages your child might be receiving.
Second you need to discuss, explore and share. The pressure to fit in has always been intense for teenagers but in a communication overload world it has become especially confusing. Your children need you to help them make sense of the world and the pressure they are feeling to do things they probably shouldn’t. But you cannot judge. Your job is to listen, explain and help them to explore. You can give them the space they need to decide for themselves that the group encouraging them to self harm, or join in group trolling or take part in an especially silly dare probably doesn’t have their best interests at heart. Just telling them to resist is unlikely to work.
Finally you can use your parent’s instincts to watch for signs that your child is behaving in ways that suggest they are feeling pressure to do something they shouldn’t. Parents generally know when something is wrong but don’t know how to help. Our advice is always to stay calm. Really challenge yourself to see whether what they are doing is actually harmful or just something you’d prefer they didn’t. If you really think they are at risk of getting into trouble it’s important to act. Talk to them first and explain why you’re worried and what you are thinking about doing. Hopefully this will sort the problem out but if it doesn’t be prepared to bring in reinforcements. Your child’s school may well be able to help. Or you can direct them to good online information from reputable sites like The Mix. For more information visit https://parentinfo.org/article/peer-pressure-a-parents-guide
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Vicki Shotbolt is founder and CEO of Parent Zone, which she started in 2005. She often speaks publicly about parenting and digital issues and is on the executive board of the UK Council for Child Internet Safety.
Parent Zone is devoted to providing expert information to families, schools and family professionals. We create, curate and check the best available advice and information on all of the issues that are caused or amplified by the internet.
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