Maternal Mental Health: Recognising That You Need Help

Trigger warning: Antenatal Depression

It’s often difficult for us to recognise if we need help and if we do, what type of support will be beneficial for us. As mums, and especially new mums, we are exhausted, overwhelmed and our emotions are all over. That's part and parcel of being a mum, right? So how do you know if what you are feeling is normal as a new mum or something more serious?

A fear of being seen as a “bad mum,” failing to recognise if we have a problem or struggling to explain how we feel, and a belief that health professionals focus on the health of babies rather than mothers can all dissuade mums from seeking help. There may be a sense of embarrassment. I didn't know how to explain my feelings to anyone, I was ashamed of them and I didn’t want to be seen as a time waster. After sadly suffering several miscarriages, I thought people would think I was selfish for not enjoying my pregnancy.

We often downplay our thoughts and feelings, thinking that everyone else gets on with it and you don't want to make a fuss. However given the high statistics surrounding mums and mental health issues, there's a high probability that those you think are taking this all in their stride may be struggling too. We presume new mums are happy in this newborn bubble of love, but it's not always the case.

The first step is to figure out if your feelings are what would be classed as usual after having a baby or something more serious. Here are some recognised symptoms of maternal mental health concerns:

Unable to sleep, even when the baby is sleeping
Worrying loss of appetite
Feeling sad and crying a lot for no reason
Feeling worried or anxious most of the time
Feelings of anger or rage that is not normal for you
Feeling numb or disconnected from your life
Can’t enjoy the things you used to
You don’t feel like you’re bonding with your baby
Having scary “what if” thoughts over & over about harm coming to you, your baby or others (also called intrusive thoughts, a sign of postpartum OCD)
Feelings of guilt and shame
Worried that you’re not a good mother
Your thoughts are racing, and you can’t sit still
You feel like the only way to make yourself feel better is by using alcohol, prescription drugs or other substances
Sometimes you wonder if your baby or your family would be better off without you
Physical symptoms that are not normal for YOU (for example migraines, backaches, stomach aches, shortness of breath, panic attacks)
You have had serious thoughts about hurting yourself
You have thoughts that you should (not that you might or what if, but that you should or need to) hurt your baby or someone else
You are worried you’re seeing or hearing things that other people don’t see or hear
You’re afraid to be alone with your baby
You feel very concerned or paranoid that other people might hurt you
You feel overwhelmed by all of the things in your life
You can’t concentrate or stay focused on things. You feel like you’re losing it
You want to be alone all or most of the time
Please remember, new motherhood and pregnancy is challenging for all of us, but it should not be consistently distressing or miserable. And if you are finding yourself wondering if what you are struggling with is "normal," a good question to ask your self is, "Is this normal for me when I am well?" If it's not, there is help waiting. You do not need to suffer alone.

If you do experience signs and symptoms of a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder, firstly it's important you realise it is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong, and you should not doubt your motherhood ability or experience. It means that you are normal and you are not alone. All symptoms are treatable, and with help, you will be well.

Alongside treatment from trained professionals, there are many self-care strategies will aid your treatment effectively:

Prioritise sleep

Getting a good night's sleep can be difficult during pregnancy. And once a baby arrives, uninterrupted sleep is nearly impossible. Nearly all pregnant and postpartum women will struggle with sleep, but it takes a much higher toll on those suffering from a maternal mental health conditions as they need proper rest to recover.

Practising good sleep habits — such as a bedtime routine, no phones/laptops after a specific time and avoiding caffeine late in the day — is a good start. But the physical demands of pregnancy and caring for a tiny human can make getting good sleep tricky for even the most dedicated mum. Ask those around for help and create "sleep shifts" to make sure mum receives some uninterrupted sleep.

Gentle exercise

The mood-boosting and anxiety-reducing benefits of exercise are well documented. Activity assists in recovery by increasing energy, metabolising stress hormones and helping women clear their heads. You must always check with your healthcare provider to confirm that it's safe to exercise, and then set small, achievable goals. It's not uncommon for us to have an all-or-nothing mentality, but remember even a 10-minute walk (with the stroller, if necessary) will help you feel better.

Nutrition

Eating regular, healthy meals can make a difference in how you feel. Although no single nutrient or eating plan can cure illness, a good overall diet is essential for your mental well-being. Foods that are rich in essential vitamins, minerals, complex carbohydrates, protein, and fatty acids are vital in keeping your brain in good working order. You shouldn't go for long periods without eating, ideally having small meals at regular intervals throughout the day. Additionally, don't drink alcohol or take drugs, as this can make your symptoms worse.

Social support networks

Although maternal mental health conditions affect nearly 1 million women each year, these conditions can leave the sufferer feeling isolated from everyone. Women can feel desperately alone and deeply ashamed when they experience these symptoms, especially ones that are less talked about like rage or intrusive thoughts. From my own experience of prenatal depression, I felt like a terrible mum just for thinking about some of the things I did even and still feel guilty about it. It was a huge relief when I realised that other expectant mums were also experiencing the same. Having someone to talk to that understands how you feel and can relate to you will make a difference. There are community support groups and online groups that you can contact.

No matter what symptoms a woman experiences, knowing that she's not alone, sleeping better, moving her body, and connecting with others will help her feel less distress. These strategies build the foundation for excellent self-care, which serves mums well after they've recovered.

In addition to the self-help, there are many professionals trained to support those affected.

If you think you might have postnatal or antenatal depression, you should speak to your health visitor or GP as soon as possible. They will be able to put you in touch with a mental health professional, counsellor or local support group.

This most important message is to talk to someone. It could be a professional, friend, family or colleague. Talking about how you feel is the first step, and you can overcome this.

Recovery

I remember when I was suffering, I had lots of questions. Would I recover as soon as I have my baby? When will I stop feeling so down? Will it turn into postnatal depression? If I have another baby will it return? How long will it last? Once I’d had the diagnosis, I wanted to recover asap, but of course, it's not as simple as taking a course of antibiotics, and a week later you feel better.

From talking to other mums, the question of recovery time is a common one. We want to know when our old self will re-appear and life will return to normal. Well, the answer is there is no exact amount of time. The recovery from perinatal depression and related illnesses is different for everyone, and there are many different variables. It's easy to start comparing your recovery to that of someone else so it's worth knowing what factors can impact your journey.

Most women will fully recover, especially if the illness is diagnosed and treated early. It stands to reason that the longer you wait to get help, the longer it may take for you to get better. The quicker you are treated, the more effective the treatment can be.

It will take time, it’s not something you can rush. Work with your healthcare professional to decide when it's the right time to wean off your treatment plan slowly. Just know that you WILL get there.

Taking care of yourself and making your health a priority is the best gift you can give to both you and your baby.

By Donna Davies, More Than A Tick Box

More Than A Tick Box is focused on improving support for those experiencing maternal mental health concerns. Working alongside professional healthcare providers, we are passionate about changing the way women, partners, family and friends can access the support they need.

Donna is a Parent Returner Coach, supporting mums through their maternity leave and subsequent return to work, with a particular focus on managing their mental health through the transition.

https://morethanatickbox.com