How to Build Helpful Habits to Effectively Manage Your Stress
The following is an edited excerpt from 'The Habit Mechanic - Fine-Tune Your Brain and Supercharge How You Live, Work, and Lead' by Dr. Jon Finn - available from April 5th. Get your copy here.
Managing stress effectively can be difficult. The foundational factor for successful emotional regulation is your brain functioning properly.
You become good at what you practice. So, practicing becoming stressed strengthens the neural circuitry connected to threat detection and stress responses. This means getting stressed quickly becomes a very unhelpful habit.
The good news is you can retrain your brain to get better at managing and reducing stress. Here’s an overview of a helpful approach to building new stress management habits.
- Adapt a Habit Mechanic Mindset. In other words, be prepared to do your best to be your best and take responsibility for what you can control. For example, proactively manage the stress, rather than worrying about the uncontrollable factors that caused you to become stressed.
- Step back and put perspective on thoughts rather than panic. A quick way to do this is creating a SWAP (Self-Watch, Aim, Plan).
Plan to Control Your Breathing
When we are stressed, one of the clear physical changes is in our breathing. This is the only physical part of the stress response we have direct conscious control of. We can slow down and regulate our breathing. This calms us and reverses the stress response. Slowing our breathing reduces our Activation levels[1].
Controlling your breathing should not be seen as an emergency response. It is something you should practice regularly. Even 30 seconds of practice will help and can leave you feeling recharged and refreshed. I often do this as I’m walking.
It’s Good to Talk
Earlier in the book I highlighted the importance of positive social relationships for healthy brain function. One of the reasons this is helpful is that talking to people you trust about your feelings can help you “get things off your chest,” make sense of your thoughts, and defuse some of them. So, do speak to people you trust about your feelings, because social emotional support is very powerful—especially if the people you speak to can make you smile and help you think about the challenges you are facing from a different perspective.
Focused Reflection
Focused Reflection can help us manage our thinking and actually build new thinking habits. Focused Reflection supercharges our ability to focus on helpful thoughts. The central part of this technique is writing things down.
To make the Focused Reflection techniques I am about to show you even more powerful, it is helpful to deliberately activate brain circuits that naturally make you feel more positive. You can quickly do this by creating a pre-writing routine. Here is one example (but do some personal research to find something that works best for you):
- Go for a five-minute walk (you can focus on your breathing as you do this to help manage your Activation levels) or jump up and down on the spot for 5 to 10 seconds (or more).
- Then, before you start writing, quickly open and close your right hand several times.
- At the same time, force yourself to smile 🙂.
- Start writing (using the techniques I will show you shortly).
In simple terms, a pre-writing routine should help activate your accumbens-striatal-prefrontal cortex network. Dr. Kelly Lambert calls this the “effort-driven-reward” circuit. Activating this brain network should make focusing your attention onto helpful thoughts easier.
The reason for using your right hand, and not your left, is that the left prefrontal cortex is associated with positive emotions. The left side of your brain is activated by the right side of your body. So quickly opening and closing your right hand several times should help activate the left side of your prefrontal cortex. Forcing yourself to smile while you write will also have a similar impact! 🙂
Have a WABA
One Focused Reflection writing technique (or Habit Mechanic Tool) I teach people is to have a “Written APE Brain Argument” (WABA). Instead of just rehearsing unhelpful thoughts and stories in your mind, write them down. Then write down structured arguments against each one.
The Power of Writing
When we write something down, we are no longer victims of our short-term memory. The information does not disappear within 30 seconds, or if we write down more than five to seven thoughts.
Learning from a Beatle
Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney can testify to the power of writing for successful stress management. He has spoken about how he uses writing to process stress, negative experiences, and thoughts. The legendary co-founder of The Beatles was discussing the song I Don’t Know, from his solo album Egypt Station. McCartney spoke about how he finds he can take a memory, sometimes of an argument, and “work it out” in the song-writing process, which “makes [him] feel better.” He added that one of the great things about writing songs is the way in which it is “almost like a therapy.”
Why? Because writing helps us reframe and address difficult thoughts and ideas.
At Least Three Positives for Every Negative
We can also use Professor Barbara Fredrickson’s Grounded Positivity theory to supercharge our stress management writing. Research has shown that people who are thriving and flourishing pay attention to at least three positives for every one negative thought they experience.
[1]. Activation levels – A concept created to make it easier to understand and manage your energy levels, alertness, and anxiety. (first introduced in Chapter 21)
By Dr. Jon Finn who founded the award-winning Tougher Minds consultancy and has three psychology-related degrees, including a PhD. He has worked in performance psychology, resilience, and leadership science for over 20 years.
Tougher Minds uses cutting-edge insights from psychology, behavioral science, neuroscience, and world champions to help organizations develop ‘Habit Mechanics’ and ‘Chief Habit Mechanics’ – Resilient people, outstanding Leaders, and World-Class teams.
Having trained and coached over 10,000 people, Dr. Finn and his colleagues work with global businesses, high-growth start-ups, individuals, elite athletes, coaches and teams, leading educational institutes, families, the UK government, and think tanks. For podcast episodes and free resources, visit: tougherminds.co.uk.
Originally Released On 23 March 2022