How to Avoid Parental Burnout This Summer

Since becoming a parent of school-aged children, July has taken on a new feel for me. It’s the count-down to the six weeks holidays; a combination of excitement about a summer holiday, concern about how I will entertain my kids and the strategic diary planning of work and childcare. When I became self-employed in 2015, this juggle became different; I was much more in charge of my time, but my budget no longer could stretch to summer activity camps. Fast forward to 2021, the summer holiday’s is upon us. Now I will have to balance making sure my teenager can get to her part-time job, whilst peeling my 9-year-old from a screen and attempting to make up for the guilt of the perceived missed opportunities of the past (nearly) 18 months. It would be so easy to attempt to be all things to all people; but then there is the risk of overwhelm. So, in this week’s blog, I want to share how I aim to avoid parental burnout this summer holiday.

We have discussed the concept of burnout before, most recently during the personal development book review of “Burnout: Solve Your Stress Cycle”. Since 1975, when the concept was defined by Herbert Freudenberger, research has expanded to consider specific burnout from parenting, “a unique and context-specific syndrome relating from enduring exposure to chronic parenting stress.”

Like work burnout, it features:

Emotional Exhaustion (fatigue from caring for too long)
Depersonalisation (feeling fed up, lack of empathy and compassion)
Decreased sense of accomplishment (feeling that nothing you do makes a difference)

I am sure all of us can connect with the moments that we can feel like this, there is no surprise that the events of the past year have added another layer of parenting stress onto the plates of Mums and Dads. But there is good news. Like the message we took from Burnout, there are ways you can proactively work on reducing the stress in your lives, creating an environment where you reduce the risk of burnout of any type.

We all know how each holiday vacation period often puts extra pressure on parents; the summer period (of at least six weeks) is often a crisis point for balance. This is not about school being childcare, but how ALL parents are treated by society and the workplace. Hopefully, by now you are aware of the work Anna Whitehouse aka MotherPukka and Pregnant then Screwed are doing for parents. We can support each other by backing the movements and conversations about the issues that concern us all. Whilst there is so much to be done across policy and culture at company and government levels, sometimes we have to control what we can control!

Here are the ways I am working to avoid parental burnout during the summer and create a better work-life balance.

1. Sit with my emotions (for a while)

So often we feel guilty and work hard to bury or ignore that emotion. How would it feel, just for a moment, to acknowledge the emotion you are feeling? Give a real name to it. Meditate on it if you will. Guilt, as an emotion is programmed to make us feel bad, based on a specific situation. It’s an emotional (and culturally linked) driver to change your behaviour. So, ask yourself what would make you stop feeling guilty?

2. Reframe and take control.

How would it feel to take a leaf of the field of positive psychology and attempt to reframe what you are feeling? Is it guilt, or is it responsibility, obligation, lack of control, disappointment, lack of predictability or even boredom?

When you take a closer look at this emotion ask yourself these questions:

What can I change to reduce the feeling or feel the opposite?
What would my ideal summer look like?
Which parts can I do whilst keeping to your financial / work commitments?

3. Prime your environment.

Now you are in July, try and make changes to allow you to have the summer you want, whilst sticking to your commitments. For me that has been:

Telling clients at the beginning of July what my availability is over the summer.
Reprioritising work; getting ahead while I can and moving others to September.
Creating diary/meeting options for the return to school hours in September.
Highlighting when I am on my holidays as part of my communications.
Changing my out of office to reinforce availability
Tidying my office so it’s easier to work in when I am there (no more searching through piles of paperwork!)
To be realistic, my “summer juggle” is actually five weeks due to the annual leave we have booked. Even this reframe of language makes me feel calmer.
Reworked my schedule to allow for work that can be done when the children are busy / entertaining themselves

4. Identify what you need to re-energise

If I’m honest, this should be the first point. But I know you, dear reader, you aren’t putting yourself high enough on your list. So now I have answered some of the work-related issues, let’s remind ourselves about the importance of “putting your own mask on first”. We are all reeling from the home-school/childcare/work situation we have had to manage since March 2020. We want to make up for that and catch up on ALL the things we haven’t done personally and professionally. But the best way to do that is to be at your very best. So, consider what you have learned about yourself, how rest (don’t forget the seven types) the best way to be a better parent, friend, partner and worker.

5. You aren’t alone.

Let’s take a moment to consider who you are connected to. Your colleagues, clients, suppliers, friends and family. How many of them are going to be in the EXACT same position that you are now? Juggling caring and work responsibilities Attempting to take some time away to recharge and recoup. Use this opportunity to reach out and ask about their plans; it can be a good time to give each other space you need and set expectations.

I can’t promise that this summer holidays are going to go without a hitch. I am sure I will have days where it will all feel too much. But, when that does, I’m going to remind myself of the following. I really hope you do too, and the answer will help you avoid parental burnout this summer.

What is important.
What is essential.
What I have achieved.
What I have planned.

This article was written by Clara Wilcox a Coach at The Balance Collective and was originally published in July 2021 here.

Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective has a social mission, focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.

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