How To Increase Your Influence and Impact at Work

Not only do women find it harder to get a seat at the tables where decisions are made, we struggle to get our voices heard when we get there. Within my book ‘Closing the Influence Gap: A practical guide for women leaders who want to be heard’ I talk about how you can start to overcome gender bias and get others to see you as a leader and increase your influence and impact at work.

It goes without saying that as leaders we all need to be working towards a future where women’s contributions are valued equally to men’s. Sadly that isn’t the reality yet and many women experience gender bias so frequently that they start to doubt the value of their contributions and adapt their communication accordingly.

For example, much influencing happens in meetings but many of my coaching clients tell me they struggle with speaking up, getting their voice heard and making their point powerfully in large meetings.

If you start listening out for it in meetings and you’ll soon notice some phrases that only the women in the room use when they start their contribution. I call these caveats.

Caveats sound like…

“I might be wrong but…”

“I’m not sure but…”

“Sorry…”

“I just…”

“This might be a waste of time but…”

“This is probably a silly question…”

Why do we do this? We want to make a point, but we think we might be judged in some way for making it and so we caveat it in the hope that we can avoid conflict or judgment. Often using these phrases then becomes a habit which we apply to our general speech.

It’s a survival mechanism because at some level we don’t feel entirely safe speaking up in meetings. This might be due to personal past experiences, or simply the knowledge that women are more harshly judged for their input in meetings than men are.

What each of these caveats essentially say is “What I’m about to say probably isn’t worth listening to”. Which is of course precisely the opposite of what we want to communicate!

We are giving away our power without realizing it by using these phrases, criticizing ourselves before others have the chance to do it.

So how do we raise points that could be seen as challenging without being unlikeable?

I’m a big fan of using questions to make a point. As long as your tone is right, a question which makes your point means you come across as both insightful and welcoming of the contributions of others. Of course, sometimes you just need to make your point directly to be heard.

Here are some of my favourite opening questions and statements to use…

“Have we considered all the options?”

“I wonder if…?”

“How about?”

“What if…?”

“Is there a reason we’re not considering …?

“We could also look at this another way…”

“In my experience”

As well as starting strong we want to end strong as well. Uncomfortable in the spotlight I used to end my contribution to a large meeting with a shrug that clearly said “Please move onto the next person now as I don’t like everyone looking at me”. I often see that shrug in meeting rooms, or the tailing off of a sentence as you realize you don’t know how to finish strong.

I also often hear…

“Does that make sense?”

“But maybe I’m wrong”

“That’s all from me”

I’ve coached an extremely accomplished leader, who when outside of her comfort zone finishes most her contributions by saying “Does that make sense?”. She knows it makes sense. What she is doing is constantly looking for validation that she deserves to contribute and is adding value. Now that she understands this, she has dropped that phrase and communicates powerfully.

There is a time and place for the phrase “Does that make sense?”. If you’ve just explained something complicated or if you are checking that someone has understood your instructions it can be a useful phrase. But as a default ending to your meeting contributions, it’s a poor phrase to use.

To end strong, once you’ve made your final point imagine a full stop at the end of your sentence and take a breath. That tells people you have finished.

Make eye contact with others in the room and sit back or bring your hands together to indicate that you’ve now made your point. Anything is better than that ‘stop looking at me’ shrug. Try and sit with the attention of the room for just a moment longer - it’s key to being visible and building your career. And if you want feedback try using phrases such as

“I’m happy to take questions if there are any”

“What are your reflections on that?”

Finally, according to the 2019 Women in the Workplace report by McKinsey and LeanIn.org women get interrupted 50% of the time in meetings and 96% of those interruptions are by men.

If you find this happens in your workplace it can be helpful to get together with other women in the room and amplify each other’s inputs. For example if another woman in the room is interrupted you can say “You were interrupted Jo, I’d love to hear the rest of your point” or “Can we let Jo finish her point?”

Carla Miller is a leadership coach and host of the chart-topping podcast Influence & Impact for Female Leaders who works with women in management and leadership roles to develop their careers and their confidence. Hundreds of women leaders from global companies, the public sector and charities have taken part in her Influence & Impact programme. Her new book Closing the Influence Gap is an Amazon number 1 bestseller for management and leadership and was named by Management Today as one of the top books for leaders to read in 2022.