How Can I Talk About Healthy Relationships With My Children and Other Young People?

As young people become independent and invested in their friendships and possibly in romantic relationships, it is important to make sure they feel comfortable and capable of being able to talk to you about these relationships. Studies have shown that young people aged 16 to 25 years old are the most likely to experience abuse and violence within their intimate relationships. It’s vital they know what a healthy relationship looks like, and who they can go to for support if they feel unsafe or unhappy.

As parents, it may feel difficult to start having conversations with your children about what healthy relationships look like, especially in the context of respecting their privacy and independence in making decisions. So WorkLife Central asked Tender’s Youth Board, made up of 16 to 25 year olds, about how parents can navigate these conversations, so that they are respectful, safe and beneficial for both sides involved.

Open conversations in safe spaces

Make sure that the setting and context feels right, i.e. the young person is calm, relaxed, not busy and likely to be distracted.
The adult should be on the young person's level - so as not to sound patronising or like they are scrutinising or probing. They should ask open-ended, casual questions with authentic concern and curiosity.
Once the young person has opened up as much as they feel comfortable with, the adult could offer their view and response to the young person's perceptions.

Active listening

After listening and allowing them to speak freely, without probing, the adult could ask the young person what they think a healthy friendship/relationship might look like.
Show interest, listen without judgement, encourage them to speak about what bothers them and help them notice what allows them feel good in friendships.
Remind the young person this is not a one-off conversation – it’s an ongoing part of life.

Boundaries and consent

Talk about how consent doesn’t just relate to sex but expands across all aspects of relationships; it’s about setting boundaries. Give examples in daily life.
Teach children about their bodily autonomy in ways they understand from an young age, for example talk about how they can refuse hugs.
Make sure they know that they shouldn’t just expect this from others but something they should also do themselves - consent applies to everyone.

Use helpful tools

You could watch a rom-com together and talk about it afterwards, highlighting what isn’t realistic or is unhealthy in the film and discuss negative impacts of media in general.
You could look at YouTube videos like the Consent “Tea” video, and discuss it together.
Try broaching conversations in safe and casual settings where you're facing in different directions, like on car journeys or whilst watching TV, to make the conversation feel less intense.

Tender is an arts charity working with young people to prevent domestic abuse and sexual violence through creative projects.

Founded in 2003, Tender’s work varies from projects in schools and youth settings, training adults in educational and workplace settings (including universities) and innovative, youth-led campaigns across the UK. Our vision is to live in a society with no domestic or sexual abuse.

You can find out more on our website: tender.org.uk and follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook!

Instagram: @tenderuk | Twitter: @TenderUK | Facebook @Tender

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