How Being A Parent (Of An Autistic Child) Has Helped Me Be A Better Person

I have always considered myself a ‘good person’ with lots of empathy and great listening skills. But when I had my son, I realised how much I could still grow in that space.

My son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder a year ago when he was just 3. I had found being a mum really hard from the start, and I thought this was just because I was older and was too used to my freestyle life!

But once we had his diagnosis it all made sense looking back. He would never stop moving and hardly napped – now we know that’s part of sensory seeking for his vestibular and proprioceptive needs. But when all my NCT friends were enjoying their lunch whilst their babies napped nicely beside them and I was bouncing my son in the baby carrier trying to get him to sleep, I thought I was just a rubbish mum.

Looking back now though I’ve been kinder to myself and celebrated that I’ve brought up my son with more patience and empathy than I know some others may have. I still wouldn’t describe myself as a great mum (do any of us?) but my son is generally a happy, bubbly little person and I think I can take credit for some of that!

My son has speech and language delays so we don’t have the typical conversations you can have with a 4 year old. He can’t tell us what he wants, or what’s wrong. He also has sensory difficulties so when he gets upset we’re trying to be these great detectives working out what’s triggered it and what could make him feel better. But also we have to figure out whether it's his sensory difficulties or whether he’s just being a neurotypical toddler that doesn’t want to do whatever we’re asking him to do! After a long day at work it can really try your patience when he’s getting upset ‘just because’ the footstool isn’t right up against the couch like it normally is.

Despite being in a people focused job (I work in Engagement and Culture), I know that in the past, sometimes I was impatient with people. My mind (and often my body too) moves at a hundred miles an hour, so I know in meetings I would sometimes cut people off if they weren’t getting to (what I thought was) a point, or talk over them. Which I always knew could come across a little rude.

I may still do this occasionally (sorry colleagues!) but while learning to live with a neurodivergent little person, I have grown in so many ways, not least having more patience and even more empathy with others.

I always appreciated everyone is an individual, but even more so with my son I’ve learnt that not everything is as it seems on the outside.

And you have to be patient, kind and listen and learn.

And that has made me a better person.

Tracy Turtle is an Engagement & Culture Manager for the NatWest Wealth Businesses (including Coutts), overseeing Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, colleague engagement activities and Coutts’ B Corp status. Originally qualifying as a Chartered Accountant, she worked in various finance roles in London, Bermuda and Singapore before joining NatWest Group 10 years ago. Tracy has a 4 year old son, Max, who generally is a cheeky chappy with a very special interest in Supertato (the kids’ book series)!