Developing Your Support Network Before Taking Parental Leave
Going on parental leave and returning to work brings many challenges, but you don’t have to face them alone.
There are many sources of support you can draw on at this time. In this chapter article, taken from the new book ‘Working Parents-to-be’, we’ll take a look at the type of support you might need, how to identify who could help and how to make sure they are as receptive as possible when you need them.
What type of help might you need?
There are many ways people can help you:
• Practically – such as helping you get an understanding of your company’s policies and benefits and what you need to do and when; helping you with financial planning and how you’ll manage while you’re on leave (particularly if you will get little or no pay in that time); sharing advice, for example on childcare options; looking after your child/children when you can’t or need a break; and even just picking up nappies or medication when you’re in the thick of it.
• Emotionally – by, for example, coming with you to prenatal/hospital appointments and classes; sharing their experiences and advice; being a shoulder to cry on or just listening when you’re having a tough day.
• Professionally – perhaps helping you work through a problem such as how to manage a difficult stakeholder whose meeting you can no longer make because you have to go pick up a sick little one; acting as a mentor to discuss your career aspirations; or helping you look at your workload objectively and make some judgement calls on priorities.
This list isn’t exhaustive, but hopefully you get the idea. And if your mind is already coming up with a list of the type of help you think you might need, note it down.
Who might be able to help you?
Let’s start with those around you at work. Perhaps the most important in many ways is your manager, but they are far from the only one; there’ll be people in your HR team who are responsible for handling your leave and who are likely to be one of the best sources of information about what happens to your pay and benefits; then there are members of senior management/your directors; there will be members of your team, both peers and direct reports (if you have them); and then there are clients and suppliers. All these people can be a source of either support or influence – or both. But it doesn’t stop here. There will be lots of people outside of work who can help you too; your partner (if you have one); parents; friends (with and without children of their own); your doctor; those you’ve met through prenatal classes/other organizations and so on.
Who might be able to help you?
It’s a good idea to start by creating a list of stakeholders both inside and out of work who are in a position to help you through this transition. Remember, you will need different types of support at different times, so don’t discount any at this point. You’re essentially creating a list that you can look back at when you need it (even metaphorically).
How do you identify the key ones?
Let’s begin by taking the opportunity to focus in on that one really key relationship in all of this – the one you have with your manager.
Why? Because, for most people, whether they have a good or bad experience of parental leave is in large part determined by their relationship with their manager. In fact, if I ask people, I usually get one of two responses: ‘it was great, my manager was so supportive’ or ‘not the best to be honest, my manager’s heart was in the right place, but they didn’t seem confident to engage’ (or words to that effect – sometimes worse in truth).
This is what makes it such an important relationship to put effort into before you go on leave, especially if it’s not the strongest to begin with. To help that, I want to take a moment to explore the perspective of a manager, when you take parental leave.
My manager’s heart was in the right place, but they didn’t seem confident to engage.
(Mum on leave, reflecting on the level of support from their manager)
The perspective of your manager
As the quote above suggests, the majority of managers do not intentionally handle this badly. Of course not. They want to do the right thing. Often, they are afraid. Afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Of not knowing what the policies are and so how to answer your questions. Afraid of losing you. Wondering how they will fill the gap while you’re away.
They will also often find themselves in tricky situations. Perhaps you’ve told a friend at work before you’ve officially shared your news and they’ve not been completely discreet, so your manager knows, just not officially. Or they desperately want to ask how long you’ll be off so they can put the right cover in place, but they are aware they can’t put pressure on you so don’t know how to phrase this.
Try and bear all of this in mind, and from the outset establish an open and honest dialogue with your manager – it really will make a big difference for you, and for them.
And if you’re really unlucky, and do have a bad apple, they will still have motivations you can consider objectively to minimize the impact. And there are others you can turn to.
Your other supporters
So, who are the other key ones? Have a look at your list of people and think about who could potentially be in the best position to help. Start by considering whether they are:
- Currently a big supporter or not, and if not, why not
- How much impact they have/how much of a difference they could make to your experience
The aim here is to help you work out which are going to be the key relationships and what you can do to get the best out of them.
Now take each in turn and have a think about what it would take to feel they were more supportive of you or if they are already supportive, how to keep them feeling that way. Perhaps for example, you feel your manager isn’t supportive, but this is mostly because they are nervous about what will happen in your absence. Getting their input and then taking them through your handover plan might be all it would need. Or you have a super supportive senior director – keeping them updated on your plans and asking their advice on making sure you’re not forgotten while you’re away, is a great way to make sure they stay supportive.
And if you’re feeling this seems a bit calculating, it’s not meant to be. The majority of those around you really will want to help you. Remember that (especially if you are one of us who finds it harder to ask for help). This is just a way to remind yourself who is in your life that can help you, and to think about it from their perspective so that they are able to give you that help. It can make all the difference in the world…
This article is an extract from ‘Working Parents-to-be: your guide to parental leave and return…what to expect and how to make it work for you’ by Catherine Oliver, which is out on Tues 4th June, 2024. WorkLifeCentral readers can benefit from a special offer and get 25% off all formats as well as free P&P (UK only, £2.50 outside the UK) by using code ‘WorkLifeCentral25’ at www.practicalinspiration.com. Alternatively, you can find it on Amazon and at all other good bookstores.
Catherine is a Diversity and Inclusion Advisor who specializes in helping organizations from start-ups to the largest listed companies support working parents and their managers. She became a parent herself during her 20-year corporate career and, inspired by the experience, founded Sky’s parenting network.
www.linkedin.com/in/catherineoliver
catherine@bluebellpartnership.com
Originally Released On 04 June 2024