An interview with....Jonny & Neil
In May we were delighted to welcome award-winning mental health campaigners Jonny Benjamin MBE and Neil Laybourn as WorkLife Central speakers for Mental Health Awareness Week.
Their journey together began in 2008 when Neil talked Jonny – who was on the verge of jumping from the edge of Waterloo Bridge in London - out of taking his own life. Six years later Jonny launched a campaign called #FindMike on Twitter to find and thank the man who had stopped to help him. This became a global news campaign that reached over 300 million people around the world and was successful in reuniting the two strangers within a matter of weeks. In 2015 the story of their journey was made into an award-winning Channel 4 documentary, The Stranger on the Bridge. Since then Jonny and Neil have campaigned together around the issues of both mental health and suicide, which is now the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK. Here they share their advice on how to manage your own mental health and how to help others who may be struggling with theirs.
Many people have heard the statistic that 1 in 4 people in the UK suffers/will suffer from mental ill health and they might think ‘that’s not relevant to me’. What’s your view?
Whilst that statistic is true, it can be seen as a label that’s applied in clinical terms. Traditionally we talk about mental health when this has reached a crisis point and we don’t focus enough on prevention. We think a more relevant statistic is that 1 in 1 – i.e. all of us – have our own mental health to manage. We’re all used to looking after our physical health; our mental health is no different.
Jonny: “I think of my mind as something physical; after all, the brain is an organ just like our heart, lungs or skin. I try and think about monitoring my mental health now as no different to say, monitoring diabetes”
Jonny how did your initial difficulties and anxieties worsen until you reached a point where suicide seemed the only way out?
I have been struggling with my mental health all my life, starting when I was 3 or 4 when I stopped sleeping properly and began hearing voices in my head. Growing up I felt different to others and I didn’t feel like I fitted in. Through my teens, I suffered from depression and the Truman delusion and I was struggling with my sexuality. I saw a GP who took it seriously and prescribed anti-depressants. At university, I thought everyone else was happy and I was the only one struggling, so I kept things to myself and gradually felt more isolated. In the third year at university, I became psychotic and was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a form of schizophrenia and bipolar. Hearing this diagnosis was a huge shock - it felt like the end for me. I didn’t hear any positive messages about living with schizophrenia and the future seemed hopeless. I made the decision to end my life on 14 Jan 2008.
Why do we find it so hard to talk about our own mental health?
Jonny: As a family and at school, we never talked about mental health. At home, we didn’t have the language or the knowledge to talk about our mental health. Neil: Likewise, growing up, we never talked about our thoughts and feelings.
You can’t measure or quantify your own mental health and we forget to check in with ourselves and our friends about our mental health – for many of us, we just never do this. Why can we talk to openly and frankly about your physical health but not about our mental health? We do need to change things so that it feels ok to talk about how you are doing.
So how can we start a conversation with a friend or colleague we might be worried about?
Neil: When I first saw Jonny, one freezing January day, he was sitting on the bridge railings in his jeans and shirt looking out at the River Thames. I kept thinking that another passerby would approach him but no one did and I found myself being pulled over to him. I didn’t know what to say, so I simply said “Hello mate, why are you sitting on a bridge?”. He talked about the pain he was in. I remember saying at one point “I think you’ll be ok”. But he didn’t really want me there and I had no idea how to move the conversation on. My last-ditch effort was “Do you want a coffee?” and that was the question that changed events. Amazingly he said “OK” and stepped down. [At that point the police arrived and Jonny was taken away and sectioned].
Jonny: Just having someone there to listen to me made such a difference. Neil understands and he doesn’t judge. Everyone needs a friend like Neil.
So if you’re worrying about someone, don’t be afraid to ask. Just start with a simple question. Or invite them for a coffee and just let them talk – listen and be empathetic, without judging. Even a small act of kindness like that can really make a difference. Try and offer hope, tell them that there is help available and things can get better.
Jonny: It really helped when Neil said: “I think you’ll be ok”. No-one had ever said this to be me before. Just hearing someone saying you’ll get better is really powerful.
Should we ask if someone is considering suicide and if so, how do we ask about this? Should we even mention the ‘S’ word?
Yes - we need to talk more about suicide. We need to be bold and put it out there. Language is really important here: in Scotland, they have stopped using the phrase ‘commit suicide’ as ‘commit’ has historical connotations with committing a criminal act and stigmatises suicide. A better phrase to use is ‘taking your own life’
We are so scared of using the word “suicidal” and we need to stop being coy around it. It’s ok to ask people “are you feeling suicidal?”. You are not going to plant the seed in their minds. Don’t be afraid to ask – by doing so, you are showing the other person that you are not afraid to have this conversation. Even if they say “No” at that point, they will know that if they do feel suicidal at any point they can come and talk to you.
How are you working with others to bring about change in the way we talk about mental health?
We’re trying to spread the message about the power of hope and talking, and not being afraid to ask. We need more stories of hope and recovery.
Since starting out, we’ve campaigned with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge for Heads Together, and we ran the London Marathon together last year for Heads Together. We’ve launched a ‘ThinkWell’ workshop for young people based on the Channel 4 documentary about our story. The workshop aims to empower young people to better understand their own wellbeing and how to support themselves. It has been delivered across the country to schools, youth settings, workplaces, even Kensington Palace!
We’re working across the UK and abroad e.g. in India with young people who have HIV and associated mental health issues. Jonny has recently published a book “Stranger on the Bridge” and we have launched a “This Can Happen” conference on 20 November 2018 aimed at employers to help them implement excellent mental health management throughout their organisation. www.tchevents.com
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Twitter: @mrjonnybenjamin
Twitter: @neillaybourn
Instagram: @jonnyandneil
Originally Released On 02 July 2018