Uchenna's blog: "Jesus is coming!"

It’s not the outburst I expected when I unpicked my friend’s four-year-old son from the wall. He knew play was over seeing me stride over after repeated cries to “get off the wall” went unheeded. Whether it’s the table, the stairs, the bed, this boy is an elasticated gymnast. He has nothing on Miles Morales, the latest incarnation of Spiderman, climbing and sticking to the fixtures and furnishings. 

His mother and I laughed so hard at the proclamation. Our children are experts in echoing us: it’s always a sharp reminder there are ears everywhere. 

For my daughter Commander-in-Chief Senior, Jesus is also coming– she just can’t see him yet because she’s fixated with enjoying Christmas lights, opening presents, and not going to school. Last weekend I squealed when we saw Christmas food on the shelves in M&S. In September with less than 80 days to the big day. What are you supposed to do with it over the next couple of months: I don’t get it! 

Each night in curling to sleep, Commander-in-Chief Senior asks if she does good listening and practices her handwriting, can we go to Hamleys after school? Even better – can we just not go to school because she wants to take the bus to Hamleys.  

I want this superpower the children have cultivated of having ears that are there for decoration. “No” does not enter: it bounces from one ear into the sphere of nothingness. The lobbying has graduated to high stakes with her offering to do yucky things – like eating vegetables (imagine) – in exchange for revisiting toy wonderland. When I respond that I don’t have money, Commander-in-Chief Senior corrects me with a cheeky smile and points to my handbag. “It’s there, mummy!”

My face pinches with each negotiation road arriving at Hamleys. 

“Are you frustrated?” she asks.

I am always taken aback with these grown-up expressions that unexpectedly come out of her – all thanks to the zones of regulation exercise that school uses to help the children express their feelings and successfully transition between them. 

No-one sent the memo that these probing questions require a hell of a lot of self-awareness to reduce all projections with immediate effect.

After all, it’s not pretty asking: “Mirror, mirror on the wall; who is the most vexed of them all?”

Uchenna works in strategic communications and engagement. Her/She has led initiatives on employee engagement and diversity and recruitment for different companies. Uchenna marvels at the new zest of life and clarity her Commanders-in-Chief have given her

Tags:
• Families