Jill's blog: Life is Not a Fairy Tale

Life is not a fairy tale. I don’t wake up with a full face of makeup, beautifully flowing hair, and a waist the size of a thimble. My husband certainly doesn’t ride around on a fancy white horse speaking in prose and defending me from every dragon I encounter. 

And why should it be? How incredibly boring and lacking in the fun of the messiness of life if it was always romantic and sunny. Even if there’s an evil witch peaking round corners waiting for her moment to strike. 

As someone who has always had big dreams and an inability to clearly picture her future, I will openly admit that I find the monotony of suburban life a bit boring. There are days when I have to work very hard to remind myself to find the joy in the simple things. The times the kids can play without fighting. The few minutes before I go to bed where my kitchen is tidy and looks like the kind of place I could have a nice dinner party. The moments my husband and I get to remember what life was like when we were younger and carefree, before the kids and the bills and the life admin. Unfortunately, the last of that list seems to be harder and harder to come by. 

Hence the reminder that life is not a fairy tale. 

When you choose to spend the rest of your life with someone part of that choice involves accepting the reality of everyday life. Knowing that the romance and meet-cute-energy from back in the day won’t be the same after 10 years, 2 kids and a whole lot of life stress. The thing about fairy tale characters is that they are designed to always be the same. Fairy tales tell us that the growth happens during the time you find, get to know, and eventually marry your partner. That the struggle is in the fight to be together. Once you’re together, everything carries on in the same bird chirping, sunshining, shoe fitting way. But that’s not reality. 

Reality is about continuing to grow. Continuing to find new experiences, new interests, new aspects of yourself that you might not have been able to reach when living in someone else’s house in your formative years. The person you spend your life with is a huge part in this being able to happen. The sense of security, acceptance, love and empathy they give. The support, the encouragement, the compassion. The pushing and pulling and shifting and learning and struggling. It all leads to growth. It all fills the journey which, in my humble opinion, is worth more than the destination. Cause let’s face it, the destination we are all heading to does not exist in this world. 

So if you’re in a transition period of new love into settled love into married life love, just know that it changes and that is normal and okay. Just remember:

The journey is not the fight to be together but the aim to grow old together. 

Jill is an American ex-pat living her best English life on the border of London and Surrey. She spends her days pretending she knows what she’s doing, creating some fun things along the way. With a passion for storytelling and the gumption of a New Yorker, she’s raising two cheeky, clever boys with deep imaginations and an annoyingly cunning use of language. With a husband, cat and hamster along for the ride, life is never boring. Even if sometimes a bit too stressful.

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• Families