Anushka's blog: That time my 11-year-old gave me a holiday

February half term loomed and only my son and I were free to go on holiday and I was too busy to book one.  My son, however, enjoyed the agency of directing our family holiday.  

We forget that our kids are digital natives.  He took note of my requirements and, in what seemed like minutes, had found an online bargain.  For £1400, the two of us would be on an all-inclusive 7-night luxury hotel deal in Turkey with decent flights and transfers included.  This behemoth hotel was replete with sports activities, entertainment and dining options and, for additional je ne sais quoi, shaped like the Titanic!

This unlikely venue was the backdrop for a valuable bonding experience that I will always treasure.  

We settled on dedicating just a day to sightseeing and found common ground for daily hotel activities to enjoy together: aqua aerobics, bowling, tennis, quizzes and Just Dance. Outside of this, he would have daily gaming time whilst I could write or email.   As we anticipated each other’s needs for the holiday, I got a glimpse of what he might one day be like in a relationship.   

At breakfast, he had observed that my usual drink order was always a Turkish coffee and herbal tea, had found a table for us in the dining room and pre-ordered these for me before I sat down.   He was incredibly restrained despite the copious cake and ice-cream available since he wasn’t in rivalry with his sister to get the most treats in a day.  He even raised an eyebrow at the multiple Turkish Delights on my breakfast plate!  Similarly, he opted to go to bed at a decent time absent the one-upmanship of exceeding his elder sister’s curfew.  With his relentless enthusiasm for tennis and sports and monitoring of my buffet haul and bedtime, I felt like I had a PT looking after me!

Our conversation ran the gamut from him offering me tips on my creating writing (I hadn’t even realised he’d read my work), Russia-Turkey relations and politics and whether I would have married any of my other boyfriends before Daddy. So many things I had no idea were in his head.   

It takes one to one time sometimes to realise how incredible your kids are.  This revelation is often eclipsed by solving sibling arguments or tiredness from general menial household servitude to them.  My husband and I are often called out to indiscriminately as ‘Mummy! Daddy! Mummy Daddy!’ aka Slave No.1 or Slave No.2.

Whether or not a solo holiday with each child is feasible, I realised how vital it is to have individual time with each child to get to know them as individuals but also for each child to get to know each parent as an individual.  Parenting experts say that building a habit of regular one to one time with each of your kids is the best way to build a bond that will continue to adulthood. This certainly bore true on this holiday. 

Anushka works full time for a professional services firm, is married with two kids aged 11 and 13.

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• Families