Esther's blog

I wonder how many mother and daughter pairs there are in Citymothers, like myself and my daughter? Until last year, I always had a full-time job, as an academic until she was 5 and then in the City until she was 29.  I worked because I enjoyed it, and would have been unhappy without a career. As a consequence, our lives have been far more interesting and my daughter has had a more fulfilled, stimulated and stimulating mother.

Intellectual challenges apart, I wanted economic stability for my family and to be financially self-sufficient.  Some women seem not to feel these needs so strongly.  Of course people have to make their own decisions and all choices involve compromises and sacrifices. In a Citymothers survey, 71% of respondents said their greatest issue was parental guilt.  Historically women who could afford to have typically paid someone to look after their children; assuming that was through choice not societal pressure, it would seem that angst over maternal absence is a recent phenomenon, coinciding with the rise of women's economic independence. I have felt it. I never asked if my mother did nor, I realise, did it cross my mind to question her full-time career. It was obvious she needed and wanted it. 

My daughter recently wrote in response to a blog where mothers said their children need them at home all the time:  "I disagree. Children need a variety of influences in their lives, including both parents if possible, and other people such as teachers, friends etc. The broader the sphere of influence, the broader the mind, in my opinion."

I have a good relationship with my daughter and who knows if it would have been better, or worse, if I'd been at home more, since I wasn't. And now I'm fortunate enough to be able to stop full-time work in the City, I have many skills I can use in the not for profit sector and for my own enjoyment, as well as more time with my daughter (at last!), so I'm having a lot of fun.

In my next blog I plan to discuss enabling fathers to take more responsibility for their children. I might also dwell on the art of expressing milk in the workplace, if that isn't too much information. 

Esther worked for over 20 years in the City, having originally been an academic musician.  She was a lawyer first at Linklaters then Clifford Chance, where she led her own group within the Banking and Capital Markets for many years. Esther sits on the Citymothers Committee.