Keily's Blog: Not Guilty

"I have a confession to make; I do not suffer from any feelings of guilt associated with being a working mother. 

Most days I am happy that I returned to work eight months after the birth of my daughter. I have worked hard to build my career into what it is today and I enjoy the challenging nature of my job. I also enjoy having something in my life which is solely mine, adult conversations which do not relate to child rearing and going to the bathroom by myself. This does not mean I do not love my daughter or that I do not miss spending more time with her. I just do not feel guilty about also enjoying my job and I do not think this makes me a heartless wench. 

What I find odd is the expectation from some quarters that I should feel guilty. Newspaper headlines proclaim that working mothers are “plagued with guilt” and that “working mums suffer double guilt because they worry about being a poor parent and employee”. When I mention the fact that I have a daughter and that I work full time I often get the sympathetic head tilt from well-meaning people who exclaim how hard it must be to leave my daughter at Nursery (you would be forgiven for thinking I had abandoned her with wolves) and how awful it must be “having to go back to work”. I almost feel guilty for not feeling guilty. Interestingly, my husband does not get the same reaction regarding his decision to work full time. 

It is clear that many of my colleagues and friends who are working mums do feel guilty. I feel like shouting from the rooftops that we have nothing to feel guilty about. Being a working mother does not make you a bad employee or a bad mother (or both). As women in the UK we can now choose our own career paths, including any career breaks, and we can also choose whether or not we feel guilty about it. I choose to work and I choose not to feel guilty about it." 

Keily is mum to daughter Eden, born January 2013, and is an associate in the London litigation department of a US-headquartered law firm. She works on a flexible full time basis.