Jennifer's Blog: Playground wars

“Let’s put aside challenges in the workplace as a working mother for a moment, I am experiencing something different and if I am experiencing this, the chances are that other working Mothers are too – the stay-at-home Mums vs the working Mums.  My child recently started nursery which feeds into a primary school.  At the first school event I attended within a group of approximately 10 parents I was speaking with, I quickly realised that I was the only working mother. The second event that I attended was an evening social event, and I consciously made an effort to “take a step back” and observe the dynamics of the room.  I also purposely attended the event in my “work clothes”, and this was quickly commented upon by the other mothers (women I was meeting even for the first time).  Indeed, I commuted from the office to the event directly. As I identified and got chatting to some other working mothers, we were all quite relieved to find each-other and talked about how we were going to mingle with the stay-at-home Mums, considering we were comfortable networking – we were all genuinely a little anxious in this surrounding.  The room had clearly split into two groups of the Working Mums and Stay-at-Home Mums.  What did they think of us, and were they wondering what we thought of them?  We did our best, and really made an effort to mingle. 

I then decided to do a test – to volunteer to co-lead one of the parents’ groups at school.  I had to decline mid-morning and mid-week “coffee chats” to discuss this in more detail, and suggested a call so we could all connect efficiently.  The conclusion of the call was that although my ideas and contacts and time would be welcome, I clearly could not co-lead the parents club – because I do not do the school drop-off’s and pick-up’s – because I am a working mother.  This confirmation was sent by written email to me a few days later confirming that “running the Club..might not be the ideal option for a full-time working parent, (but) there are so many other ways you can contribute”.   

Feelings of disappointment and frustration aside...it looks like we should be prepared to manage and react as working mothers outside of the workplace too – and without any rules, best practices, policies or laws to refer to, I am starting to realise where the real new challenge lies ahead. So to the working Mums and stay-at-home Mums – let’s try to support each-other..as Madeleine Albright, former US Secretary of State said in 2006 “There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."  This quote is unfortunately still clearly relevant.”

Jennifer is a Senior HR Manager currently working for an independent Asset Manager in the City, having previously lived and worked in Paris and Zurich.  Jennifer works full time in the City and commutes from Kent, she has a 2 year old son and has a live-in au pair for childcare.