Ellen's blog: You can fail at least once

This is the second version of my blog; the first having been about Weinstein, Westminster and whistleblowing…….but I decided that actually enough has been said on the subject, so I will spare you my ramblings about those dreadful people!

Much more interesting is my recent realisation that it’s OK to be told told you’re useless, at least once in your career. It has happened to a former colleague of mine, who is having a difficult time in a new job, having been told he’s underperforming and a “poor cultural fit”. When we worked together I thought he was excellent, so this came as a real surprise; but very often the traits that bring success in one organisation, can have the opposite effect in another.

I had a very similar experience on starting a new job many years ago, when I had my probation period extended due to my initial disregard for the corporate hierarchy when attempting to achieve my objectives. Having come from a smaller organisation, I was initially unaware of (and later refused to comply with) the unwritten rules of communication, which apparently precluded someone of my level (VP or Vice President) from directly approaching anyone of Director level (the level above me). “You seem to think you can just e-mail an MD” said the flabbergasted Department Head, when she heard about my shocking deviation from the accepted wisdom that corporate titles dictate your place in corporate society, and that no direct contact should ever be made between VPs and Directors, without the prior involvement and consent of the supervising director of the VP concerned. Similarly, nobody at Analyst or Associate level (the ones below me) would dare to speak directly to me or look me in the eye without fear of reprisals. In order to successfully conclude the extended probation period, and therefore keep my job, I completely conformed with the rules, and did nothing to challenge the culture, or the behaviour of  anyone involved in the stressful probation-extension process, which felt entirely inconsistent with the organisation’s commitment to “creating a culture of openness and an environment where everyone can thrive” (or something similar).

I had joined a new organisation, and continued to behave as if I was still in the old one where I had access to people at a senior level, and was able to meet with them without supervision. I therefore have to accept some responsibility for the fiasco that ensued, but even so my confidence took such a severe knock that I believed for many years afterwards that I was inadequate and incompetent. I could barely speak publicly without worrying that someone was thinking “who does she think she is?” After all, if I was actually any good, I wouldn’t have been subjected to what felt like a formal disciplinary proceeding, at which my professional judgement was seriously called into question. And wouldn’t it be mad not to take the hint? I don’t want to be like the X-factor auditionees who can’t sing, humiliate themselves, receive brutal feedback from the judges, but carry on regardless because they “believe in themselves and never give up”?!

I am now more confident, and have many more years of experience under my belt. I think I can conclude from my own experience and that of my friend, that if it happens repeatedly you may need to think seriously about making changes, but if there’s one isolated incident where someone thinks you’re a round peg in a square hole, then don’t let it hold you back. I think I can look my children in the eye and tell them that!

Ellen has worked in the City for 17 years, mainly in banking, and currently for an inter-dealer broker. She has two children aged 7 and 4, with an au pair at home to help out.