Dolly's blog: Who are you calling bossy?

It was the usual back-to-school chaos at Dolly Towers.   Their shirt cuffs stopped mid-forearm and last term's shoes definitely hadn't encountered a polish tin.  Ten minutes before two of them were due back, I was insisting to my daughter that the grey trainers we were about to emergency purchase (to replace the ones she'd told me only 5 minutes earlier that she'd lost) definitely weren't boy trainers and definitely were cool.  "How would you know?!" she retorted.  Ouch.

Still - at least we sent them back on the right day.  All togged up, we've arrived at the school gates a day early no fewer than four times.  "Better early than late!" I always say, as the children curse my existence.

The end of summer term also came with a challenge, when my daughter was picked up on her, ahem, occasionally somewhat overly-assertive behaviour.  Thankfully, the feedback was that she can be bossy but isn't a bully.  The school dealt with it impeccably, it's all blown over and to be honest my knee-jerk reaction was "fair cop".

But it left me thinking.  Making the rookie error of taking to Google, I found an article which advised me to look at my own behaviour (eek) and deploy role play tactics with my daughter, taking it in turns to model appropriate behaviour whilst pretending to have tea with a friend or celebrity.  Nevvvvver gonna happen.

So I dug out a Belbin personality questionnaire I'd done at work which put me squarely in the "shaper" camp.  Apparently I'm dynamic, thrive on pressure and have the courage to overcome obstacles.  Sounds good.  I'm awesome!  But wait - it also says I can offend others' feelings and become aggressive and bad-humoured in my attempts to get things done.  No wonder my daughter's bossy - I'm a monster and she was doomed from birth!

And yet, hang on, wasn't there that Sheryl Sandberg/Beyoncé/Condoleeza Rice campaign to "ban bossy" on the grounds of sexism?  What would Emma Watson say?!  The argument I think is that it's pretty unusual to call a boy bossy and that discouraging leadership-style behaviours in girls perpetuates a world in which fewer of them end up in charge.  My daughter's current career plans involve becoming a barrister then the Prime Minister.  I think the everyday sexism campaign was much-needed genius and it gives me a little tingle when Beyoncé says, "I'm not bossy.  I'm the boss".  Hmm.

On balance I concluded that bossiness does have gendered connotations, but also that it describes something which isn't quite the same as assertiveness or leadership.  The latter are great, the former not so much.  Mr D reckons if our boys exhibited similar behaviour they'd be called a pain in the ar*e, which amounts to the same thing.

After two weeks scoffing French cheese by a swimming pool I stopped thinking about it until I came to write this blog.  But I'd be interested to know others' views on using the B word.  Legitimate or inappropriate?

After 19 years of fee earning, Dolly now works in a management role in a London law firm.  Working four days a week she has three children aged 5 to 9, a wonderful (though often absent) husband and a charismatic dog who keeps her sane.