Dolly's blog: The balance of power

Mr D is away for a month and the added pressure is starting to bite.  Friday was a blur of admin and long-distance driving, culminating in a crossed-wire conversation with the headmaster during which I found myself pathetically bleating "I'm knackered!"  Like he cared or could help.  

Saturday was my niece's christening.  Happy days but the other side of the country, so another long drive and traffic horror on the M25.  Stationary in the slow lane, the minutes ticked by and it became clear we'd arrive as everyone left.  I was supposed to be doing the reading - something about fish.  

"I'm trying so hard!" I wanted to wail to anyone who cared.  

Just at that point, son number one announced he "felt a bit sick", then vomited copiously down the side of the car as other cars swerved to avoid us.  Luckily it was Mr D's car.  Karma.  

But overall (glossing over the absent husband and vomiting children) I'm actually feeling a lot more balanced than I can remember being for quite some time.   Which is surprising, not least because my work hours have gone up.  I've been trying to fathom out why, haven't cracked it but have definitely identified the following:

1. It's not so much how many hours I work as how much I enjoy what I'm doing.  There are still bad days, but I've rediscovered that work can actually be quite fun, which re-balances the scales rather than pulling them down.  
2. It's good to do less and it's imperative to say no.  If we're honest with ourselves, I wonder how much of the pressure we endure is somewhat self-inflicted.  

Neither doing less nor saying no come naturally to me.  My approach to life has a Tigger on speed quality to it and I'm a die-hard people pleaser who really, really doesn't like asking for help or (God forbid) being perceived as needing it.  But necessity is the mother of (re)invention and surviving the past few years has meant making some changes.   So things I've given up to preserve my sanity include: 

1. Doing more than one after-work thing each week.  I sincerely hope those wine bar days will return, but right now I know that I hit the wall if I'm not home enough.  
2. Daily hair-washing.  Forget it - I'd rather get more sleep.  Twice weekly max and a liberal use of dry shampoo.  
3. All ironing.    Just.  Not.  Worth it.  
4. More controversially (I fear I may get stoned just for typing it), sacrificing the weekend to a succession of kids activities.  Party invitations are accepted sparingly and we don't do scouts, sports clubs or anything similar.  
5. Any involvement in the PTA which goes beyond the payment of money and attending the occasional quiz night.  I don't feel great about this one either, but a 3.30pm committee meeting?  I think not.   
6. Washing vomit off the side of the car.  I've got a week until Mr D gets back and I'm counting on rain.  

    After three everyone:  Let it go, let it gooooo.

After 19 years of fee earning, Dolly now works in a management role in a London law firm.  Working four days a week she has three children aged 5 to 9, a wonderful (though often absent) husband and a charismatic dog who keeps her sane.