James's blog: Obsessive Compulsive Parenting

When I was in my late teens I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I had displayed symptoms of OCD earlier in childhood but in my late teens and early twenties it took a strong hold over me, to the point where I would often struggle to leave the house due to the elaborate routines I had established and the fears I had of the outside world.

I battled with the condition for a number of years and, while it is something that will continue to affect me throughout my life, it is kept largely under control through medication and the occasional refresher therapy session.

Last week was Mental Health Awareness Week and so I thought that I would share with you a few thoughts on how my OCD has affected me in parenthood.

Some of the irrational, illogical thoughts that trigger my obsessions have, as their genesis, something perfectly rationale and logical.  Indeed, long ago my wife gave up trying to use logic to talk me out of my obsessions.  There is nothing irrational about not wanting to have left the cooker on, or wanting to ensure that the house is locked when I leave for work in the morning.  Where the irrationality comes to the fore, however, is in the way I catastrophise about what the consequences might be if I did leave the cooker on, or the house unlocked, and the repeated checking that this can lead to.

When my daughter was born, there was someone else in our family for me to protect and to worry about; an increased need for me to be wary of my actions to ensure that I wouldn't cause any harm to her.  These concerns became most acute when my wife returned to work following maternity leave and I took a period of parental leave to look after my daughter.  In part, the increase in my symptoms might have been caused by the increased responsibility I felt towards my daughter.  The repetitive hand-washing increased, for example, as I was concerned about passing on germs to my daughter.  In part, however, I think the increase in my symptoms was caused by the absence of work to occupy my mind.  Without the mental stimulus of work, my mind started to look for issues and dangers.

It would be wrong, however, to suggest that becoming a father has only had a negative impact on my mental health.  Indeed, being responsible for a little person has given me a renewed impetus to change my habits.  I don't want my daughter to witness my elaborate hand-washing or repetitive checking and think that such behaviour is normal.  I also find that playing games with my daughter is a fantastic substitute for mindfulness practice and really experiencing being in the moment.

Overall, I think that the biggest impact that parenthood has had on my mental health is due to the lack of time which I can devote to really tackling my issues.  Heading out to a counselling session, or taking a bit of "me" time to try to gain some balance can often seem over-indulgent when there is always so much else to do.  It's obvious, however, that being healthy is vitally important to being able to offer the best care to your child.  And this applies to our mental health as well as our physical health.

 James is a lawyer in the City.  He recently moved on from a Magic Circle firm, where he had spent eight years, in search of a better work/life balance.  He now works a four day week at a smaller City firm and looks after his 4-year old daughter on his "day off".