Rosie's blog: Personal maintenance

One of the struggles as a parent is validating the time taken for what might loosely be referred to as “me time”. This takes varying forms for everyone. I had always subscribed to the idea that only once the time had been taken to achieve this golden moment where work, family and life seem to run smoothly, would I be able to “afford” a moment to do the things that, to be honest, I took for granted as a working woman without children.

I look back on the time in my twenties when I would just book in a massage for an hour on an idle Saturday morning and go to the gym for an hour or two, catch up with friends, go out for dinner to a new restaurant, read the papers, maybe do a spot of shopping, without clock watching. It’s a self-indulgent time and rightfully so, because nothing would have prepared me for quite how oversubscribed I would feel my time was after having children. The ignorance was bliss! Working long hours in the City prepared me for the sleep depravation and the endless demands. One soon becomes accustomed to the challenges of early parenthood and I think it’s easy to adopt the approach that the family has to come first meaning that your needs come after that and as for your wishes or desires, these are way down the list. Naturally when one returns to work then that takes its rightful place in the order of priorities and then …. What happened to that carefree 25 year old?

Since becoming a mother I have definitely been a “me last” person. Only after ensuring beds were made, presents were wrapped on time, birthday cakes made (oh, alright, sometimes bought), contributions made to the school, uniforms clean and tidy alongside the daily needs of work (and rightfully demanding clients) and household were complete would I genuinely feel it would be appropriate to take some of this so called “me time”. It’s not even a phrase I have used until I started to write this and reflect on something of a shift in my approach, realising that unless I do prioritise myself from time to time, everything falls out of kilter. If things are out of balance this can affect the amazing positive experiences that working life, family life and life in general have to offer. Whether you’re alone or doing this jointly with another person, the happiness of the leaders of the family is integral to the family’s happiness as a whole. The positive feelings from a reasonable balance at home translate easily to the workplace and make that a more productive and beneficial experience.

The fact that I have made taking time more of a priority has made a huge difference to my resilience. In the main my indulgence is exercise and when my marriage broke down I saw it as a bridge to keeping me healthy and the family happy.  I also think that it gave me the courage to try new things and I hope that my children get this bug – the world is so full of opportunity. So I still don’t do regular manicures and pedicures and facials and massages (although I sometimes think I should do). Maybe when I am retired I will, maybe I never will. But the time for oneself is important, whatever you choose to do with it.

Rosie is a partner in a City law firm with two sons aged 12 and 10. She is a single parent and works at her office in the City and at home