Rosie's blog: Losses

Recently on a trip away I bumped into an old school friend whom I hadn’t seen for over 20 years. We both have busy jobs and families. It was so good to catch up after that time and share some memories and our stories of life right now.

The one experience we had both shared was that we had both lost a parent. It is not uncommon in one’s early forties to have experienced this, yet for both of us it was clearly a defining moment in the journey of life. The impact on one’s job, family and personal outlook for both of us was really significant. Even if there is time to prepare, there is no time to prepare.

My mother was 69 when she died having been struck suddenly by an aggressive disease. It was so sudden that we (her children, my father and her brother) watched her diminish in a matter of days, from upright and celebrating her 40^th wedding anniversary to a mercifully brief stay in hospital before the inevitable happened. Her passing brought us closer together as a family and although incredibly sad at the time, there were many aspects that we gave thanks for, the gift of life no less; and so much more.

My sons were younger then but they had a good relationship with their granny and adored her. She indulged them. When she and my father came to stay she gave them non-stop attention and would do anything to create a smile on their little faces. At the same time, she would do so much for us, her children, even into our thirties. We felt important to her, which is something parents are almost uniquely able to do in their privileged position in their children’s lives. We didn’t thank her enough, for sure.

It gives me a sense of perspective when my own children feel like mini-challengers and draw me to be snappy or cross, this life is such a brief moment. We have responsibilities to our children of course, and we will be doing this parenting thing for so much of our lives that it’s a good idea to seek as many positive experiences as possible. I am grateful for the legacy she left me in seeing the good in situations and prioritising family.  Every day I see something that she would like, I imagine what she would say; and in spite of the years that have passed I miss her every day too.

Rosie is a partner in a City law firm with two sons aged 11 and 9. She is a single parent and works at her office in the City and at home.