Julia's blog: Leadership Skills

My daughter is blessed with bundles of confidence and a very strong sense of justice. She chats away for hours to anyone who will listen and is very quick to point out if she feels she has been wronged. It goes without saying that I am incredibly proud of her. Our character traits are fundamentally quite different – I was a fairly shy child. Whilst I am told by my Mum that my imagination would have rivalled hers at the tender age of 4, I was definitely quieter in a crowd. I sometimes find myself staring in awe as she draws people to her and instinctively and effortlessly persuades them to join in the game she has devised.

Her confidence is undoubtedly just a part of who she is and I can't claim any credit for it. That being said, I am careful to make sure she has no grounds to question her worth based on gender alone - there's no room in our household for anyone other than a proud feminist. My whole family (husband and two-year-old son included) joined the Women’s March following Trump’s inauguration in January. We also had some very thought-provoking conversations sparked by International Women’s Day. I had a long discussion with a close friend on why we should praise our strong-willed daughters' 'leadership skills' rather than describe them as ‘bossy’. I completely agree with the principle. However, when your child’s ‘leadership skills’ are already off the scale, how do you make sure their behaviour doesn’t become rude, obnoxious or -  worse still – bullying? I have no desire to quash my daughter’s confidence but frequently find myself explaining to her that in order to be heard she must first learn to listen to and respect others.

I would love to lead by example but sometimes feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and the potentially conflicting messages I want to impart. I want her to feel she can soar to the top of whatever career she chooses but she must understand that self-belief alone will not get her there. She has a right to a seat at the top table but only if she develops a strong work ethic and understands the art of collaboration.

Part of my own desire to progress with my career is linked to the need to set her an example. I also want to be around for at least part of the week to have the quirky school run chats, to observe her interactions and be able to directly praise the positive behaviours I witness – and deal head on with those I dislike. I have no idea how either my personal goals or my daughter will develop but, for now, my part-time working arrangement feels like the best way to try to get the best out of both. It’s a delicate balance and sometimes a struggle but it is my choice. Fundamentally feminism is about being able to make choices; my daughter is learning that she has both the right and responsibility to make her own decisions in life. I hope she takes advantage of the opportunities that are presented to her and takes the time to understand the impact her decisions will have on others. 

Julia is a senior associate in the tax team at a city law firm. She works three days a week and spends the rest of her time looking after her four-year-old daughter and two-year-old son.