Lawrence's blog: The Twin Reaction

After being a parent for nearly four years, my wife and I feel like we are no-longer complete novices in managing the various aspects of being a city parent. Like most working parents, work fatigue, home finances, martial tussles (e.g. in-laws), and the demands of a 4yr olds activity schedule (who does more at 4 that I have ever done), are all balanced as if each aspect is a plate being held up by a not so great plate-spinner. As time has gone on, we are even starting to find some individual free time; I rolled back the clock and brought an x-box game over Christmas; unfortunately my ability to shoot monsters in a fist person shooter game has deteriorated in the same way as my physical fitness and hairline!

My wife is currently pregnant, so amongst the joy and excitement, there was already an inevitable feeling that our days of ‘plate-spinning’ through each week were going to change. However, we recently got the news that we are expecting twins. With no history of twins on either side, our reaction to this news was one of pure shock, mine specifically being, disbelief and nausea all followed by the fear of financial ruin (compounded by the near immediate conclusion by my wife that there is likely to be no point in her going back to work post maternity). Needless to say, our plate spinning days are not just about to be over, more the plate spinning stick will be snapped in two and the plates tossed into the bushes like Frisbees.

However, after the initial shock, we are without doubt agreed that this is a blessing. Plus having recently watched the Australian open final on TV (i.e. the Williams sisters), twins will double the chance that one of our children will become a superstar athlete (and take care of us through retirement).

Having now told family, friends and colleagues about this news, it has been fascinating to note the different reactions from those we have told. For the most part, the reactions received by my wife have been hugely positive. The reactions I have received however, have been more varied, ranging from: “Mate, this really is game over” or “Wow, that’s good news but I hope it never happens to me”, to “I suppose the right thing to say is congrats, right?”. Often the news has been met by a long pause and some strategic thinking in what to say, as if the concept of twins / multiples does not compute or I am trying to give them the news in hieroglyphics.

The reactions amongst other things, have helped hammer home the message that a tricky, sleep deprived time ahead awaits which has in part helped us decide that I should take advantage of the shared parental leave that my employer now offers.  My employer has recently begun to offer rather generous shared parental leave benefits that will enable me to take the first 3 months off without any significant financial compromises. The only implication is that my wife’s overall maternity leave has to reduce (and be evidenced by her employer) by the amount of time I take off.  The result is that we will both be off for the first 3 months and my wife will remain on maternity for a further 6 months after I return to work.

I tested the idea with the Partners at work and the reaction has been unanimously supportive and positive (in contrast to the twin news reaction).  This has been surprisingly refreshing and I am fortunate to be working for quite a forward thinking employer in this respect (which I know is not the case in many places).  I am in a strange way grateful for the ‘game over’ message as it has helped me think more about the task ahead and think more broadly about the best paternity options.

I am sure we will keep plate spinning as best we can for now. Although I do feel my renewed x-box days are numbered.

Lawrence works as a Senior M&A Manager at a professional services firm in the City and is father to a gorgeous and cheeky three and a half year old.