Gemma's blog: How do I channel Elsa and just let it go……?

In 2015 I started maternity leave on top of the world. I was a senior manager, high performer, with a raft of glowing references to attest to my achievements and I could not wait to welcome my baby to the world.  Fast forward to just under a year and after a very poorly handled maternity leave, I found myself without a role and at risk of redundancy. 

Feeling utterly shell shocked I began to try and find a new role. Luckily I was successful and found one relatively quickly. However, returning to work in a new role, with new products, new network of people and as a newly working mum, I was also terrified. On top of this my confidence had been ruined by this turn of events. Naively I believed the mantra I had been given, regarding a supportive return to work, not for a moment thinking that maternity would mean taking steps back in the career I had worked so hard for. This combination of events and emotions left me feeling extremely bitter.

Bitterness is never an attractive emotion and as I saw just how negative I had become; I knew it was time to get my mojo back. The turning point was a networking lunch, where someone I very much admire talked about her experiences. She answered my question about returning from maternity, being a mother and keeping your career on the upwards trajectory with refreshing candour.  She openly shared her maternity experience, which had included taking steps backwards. Her opinion is that, no it isn’t fair but you have to get on with it, because the only way to change the system is from within. As her words started to pierce my dark cloud, I began to feel inspired and following the lunch started to meet with other women. All had a similar story and as I listened to their experiences, bitterness was banished and I welcomed in anger. 

I decided I had to do something. I put together a timeline and sent it to senior management with the intention to challenge how my maternity had been handled. It worked, I was given an apology and it was accepted that lessons needed to be learnt, a new maternity diversity workstream has been implemented. Suddenly I felt like a weight had been lifted, here was confirmation that I wasn’t an irrational female who was over reacting, it felt good and I wanted to keep going. So I have started mentoring again, listening to others and sharing my experiences in the hope that I can help or even inspire others to challenge their own obstacles. It turns out that this approach actually helped me as well. Each time I feel as though I might have helped someone, a little part of my anger melts away and hopefully one day I will stop hearing that song in head telling me to “Let it go”!

Gemma has worked in London at a large investment bank for 11 years. She has a 15 month old daughter and a husband who is a GP. They live in a chaotic, but happy home in Wimbledon.