Sisieta's blog: It's a Revolution

No this isn’t a remix/lyrics to the song by Diplo from the “Monsters in my head” album, but rather behind the scenes of society’s “New Woman Misfit”.  A “Misfit” because of the love and adoration for the traditional family lifestyle that has been increasingly tagged with a silent code amongst the City/corporate workforce where females get caught up in a war of proving equal capabilities to the male specie in the boardroom.

Child number one came along and I was back to work in 6months, amidst unsolicited advice to remain at home or return on a part-time basis in order to bond with my baby, judging statements (sometimes unknowingly), guilt speeches etc.  In my opinion, I carried my baby for 9months in my womb, gave birth naturally and nursed him for 6months, that was enough soul bonding and if my child didn’t know/acknowledge me as mummy by then, he will never do! Why does being a mummy have to halt/dent my career aspirations? I’ve got 8-10hrs of the day that I can dedicate to achieving my career goals daily and the rest to being a mummy, soul mate, wife etc. - what’s controversial about that? We put baby in full time nursery, dad a software analyst commuted to wherever his clients were based (sometimes away from home), I commuted 4hrs daily (to & fro) into canary wharf and weekends were always family catchup time and lots of fun! Now this was absolutely normal living to me - we enjoyed the fast pace, career successes, the chaos, the adrenalin, and still found time for fitness, romance & social engagements.  My child lacked nothing, was happy and developed normally…the system worked for us!

Fast forward 4yrs and child number two arrives. But we already had a system that worked perfectly so we’ll do exactly the same and get on with life in exactly the same manner, right? Well, it’s taken me a subsequent two years to accept that perhaps I was being a little philosophical with the assumptions made upon arrival of baby no2. Some considerations that we completely missed: We were both 4yrs older with some amount of natural wear & tear, we had both considerably moved up the corporate ladder with a corresponding amount of pressure & responsibilities, the work load on the home front is doubled and almost requires daily project management to fit all the bits together. The older the children get the more of our undivided input and attention required, the more childcare gaps we would encounter that utterly conflicts our required work schedules  and why did we ever think that child no.1 would automatically be accepting of his big brother role and act as a matured older sibling at age 4?!

We end up with a weekday routine that commences at 5.30am, two young kids who luckily for us have a well adopted high level of resilience trying to fit into our world (we don’t think it’s by choice), an unending “to do list”, a very high dependence on digital communication mainly reminding my darling husband of the checklist items tagged to his daily drop off and pick up duty, in a bid to counter daddy & kids melt downs.  A reliance on all forms of term time & holiday child care to bridge the gaps including being a charity case for other school parents who kindly step in for us. Romance and social life becomes an effort, going to the gym just doesn’t fit anymore so I result to 5am YouTube HiiT workout videos which my husband thinks is obscene - but needs must! 

We have a very exhausted household by Fridays, to the extent where I walk in from work at about 6.30pm (leave the office early on Fridays) and meet husband and both kids fast asleep on the sofa in their uniforms – err not quite the planned movie night!

Now with the almost volcanic storm in the background stirring away, my entire day is spent in a work environment where child bearing, young children dilemma is your private life and seldom features as a round table discussion. This irony of my cultivated double identity almost makes me chuckle when I sit in meetings confidently talking through strategies, analysis, findings, recommendations, policies & procedures in a very controlled manner

Accepting of reality, some assistance to help keep the juggled balls up in air would be nice. Live out nannies too expensive, no one wants to just do morning drop offs & evenings, we don’t have the luxury of having extended family members living close, part time working hours simply doesn’t exist in my role/level and being a sole ltd company director, my husband has to deliver his clients requirements and hence going part time isn’t an option for him either. Both our incomes are required to comfortably execute our parental commitments and the overarching fact that my career is partly who I am and giving it up will definitely not make me a better mummy or better anyone. Thus “The aupair” appears to be the most viable solution. Yes we’ll sacrifice our space and privacy to some extent, but the analysed benefits appear to largely outweigh the stated costs, especially as we spend 12hrs away from home daily!

It sounds like we may just have a plan, but why does it feel like such a revolutionary change? Could we be missing some significant blind spots yet again?