Rosie's blog: Changing seasons

These early months of autumn have seen some fairly seismic changes in family life. The new term always ushers in a pleasing sense of fresh starts, a willingness to clear the decks and make new promises about the next few months. My eldest son has started at secondary school. Apparently “it’s cool how tiny you are mummy” which is evidence of my dwindling ability to tower over my co-habitees; I am going to have to find new ways of discipline that transcend just being bigger than them! I realise that 90% of the things that I had thought could be challenges at the start of secondary school have not been, 10% have and then there’s another bundle of stuff that I thought my 11 year-old would have sailed through yet hasn’t.

So, the 90% is the “fitting in” piece; he has been very lucky and found a group of friends who all seem to enjoy similar interests. The school work has been challenging but not punishing. The teachers seem like normal people, perhaps more so than at primary school, almost.

The 10% is the tiredness and the new skill of running around between classrooms; this has so far been tackled with good humour and enthusiasm. I am wondering when this will wear off.

The unplanned challenges that we have encountered have included (i) dropping new phone in the loo, (ii) leaving bus pass at father’s house, (iii) losing kit and leaving sports kit at home (school is 10 miles away), (iv) “forgetting” to do homework, (v) missing bus home and (vi) being given a cold lunch (that was meant to be hot). My instinct is sometimes to think “will this ever get better?” and “I wish I had been there to provide spare phone/take to school/monitor homework more closely/pick up/drop off” and so on. However, I am trying to encourage some resilience for me and for him. I am not sure that feeling “absence guilt” rectifies any of the issues and could feed a reliance that cuts across the goal to create an independent man. It suddenly seems imminent that he will be doing GCSEs, driving test, A levels and embarking on adult life.

At the same time we see a refreshing amount of brotherly love where during the last year at primary school the boys seemed to be bickering more and getting on less well. Suddenly the age gap between them seems huge, the older boy helping his brother with homework and telling him wonderful tales of big school. Before the onslaught of half term and inevitable boredom that can drive filial discord, I treasure these moments of family bliss.

Rosie is a partner in a City law firm with two sons aged 11 and 9. She is a single parent and works at her office in the City and at home.