Uchenna's blog: Celebrate the Village

Surveying the toys strewn all over the floor in the living room, I am still asking: how did this coup happen? Although I struggle to confess it, I have (temporarily) relinquished power: my Commanders-in-Chief are the real bosses because as every parent knows you need their sign off for things to happen.

Productivity has taken on a dimension I couldn’t fathom before I had children. Tiredness has reached Olympian levels. And I’m still wondering what special magic has been sprinkled all over Peppa Pig and Paw Control that the shows elicit a fit of giggles from the kids.

Now as a parent, my respect for my own has shot through the roof. There’s nothing like walking in someone else’s shoes to understand their journey. How did two young Nigerian university students raise five children thousands of miles away from home and their own family network? No Facebook to share coming-of-age milestones. No Skype to solicit advice from grandparents. No intoxicating beeps from WhatsApp that signal swap stories.

I marvel at their resilience; I am in awe of their work ethic. I gawp at their staying power. Today, Google is the knowledge deity: first point of call for anything and everything. But there can be too much of a good thing: all of that noise and counsel that technology provides drives so many of us bonkers with worry over every little mishap and illness.

The pressing question of “Am I doing it right?” tortures every generation of parents – it is just the context that changes. As public sector workers, mine had a little more flexibility, but who in the 80s and 90s was achieving a work-life balance? You were just grateful to have a job and your employer called the shots.

And in 2016 has much changed? With job insecurity rife and sluggish economic growth, there is acute  pressure on making the right work-life decisions. At this juncture of juggling work and family, I have truly come to appreciate the African proverb: it takes a village to raise a child. No working parent can do it, unless there is a support network in place. I didn’t know how blessed I was until my children arrived because my family and friends rallied together to enable me to work. In London, everyone is on their 9-5 (and beyond) hustle trying to pay bills that insist on defying Everest. Time is so valuable a commodity and I was incredibly moved by how they sacrificed their own to help me do my Keeping In Touch days, attend networking events, and research prospects.

The intensified debate in the UK about the costs and processes around childcare and working parents is not so prevalent in Nigeria where multi-generational households of relatives are eager-beaver to do those nappy, feeding, and sing song rounds. But here where the costs are extortionate and the struggle is real, I am tapping into my support network’s tapestry of triumphs and failures, laughter and tears in determining how I shape my future career and raise my children to be smart, savvy and empathic individuals who straddle hybrid British-Nigerian identities.

Uchenna is a London based freelance strategic communications and content leader who has brokered new relationships and processes, and led initiatives on employee engagement and diversity in recruitment for a number of large UK companies. She marvels at the new zest of life and clarity her Commanders- in- Chief have given her.