Ellen's blog: Treating everyone the same, but differently

I decided to leave writing this blog until the day it was due because I wanted to wait until I’d been to  a “Women in Risk” panel debate this evening, and that turned out to be a wise decision as the evening has left me with no shortage of material.

I’m sorry to report that I was very poor on the networking side of things initially as I had got lost and arrived in a flustered state, as a result of both my lateness and an unexpected trip in a glass-sided lift (I don’t like heights) - so I proceeded directly to the seating area and sent some e-mails.

There are of course fundamental differences between men and women, and I’ve always considered that work-place equality should mean being treated the same as a man in an equivalent role, but I have to admit that there are circumstances when I do think men and women should be treated differently in order to achieve the same outcome. Although I’m not generally an emotionally needy person, I have recently been rather profoundly affected by some random acts of kindness that are arguably just good manners, but which nonetheless made a huge difference to me. For example, earlier today one of bosses ended our phone call by saying “thanks for everything you’re doing on this - I really appreciate it” and I almost felt like crying! I had put in a lot of work on this particular task and it had felt like I was swimming against the tide; just the fact that he said he was grateful was enough to make it see worthwhile (for a good half an hour, at least). I can’t remember the last time I felt so appreciated and valuable. I can’t be certain, but I am pretty sure that a man would not be affected to the same degree by receiving the same ‘thank you’

Once I forced myself to grow up and do some networking this evening, I met a hilarious fellow “Woman in Risk”, who actually works in the office next door to mine, so we exchanged contact details and later arranged to meet for coffee after half term. This was not a case of networking in the hope of future job opportunities, it was a case of networking in order to meet people in my industry who I can identify with. Hang on - am I inadvertently failing to diversity my professional network, and instead choosing to mix with only like-minded people?? I must admit I can be rather critical of men who do that….

At the end of this evening’s panel debate, the three panel-members (all women) were given flowers . One asked (and I must stress that she was joking) whether male speakers at these events receive flowers?. The answer was that they don’t get anything, which is arguably a form of gender-discrimination, but which surely nobody would mind? There is surely no point pretending that we are the same when there are actually benefits to treating us differently in some respects? No man I know would want to be given flowers (except my husband, who would pretend he’d bought them himself and give them to me) but if the three impressive female role-models I spent my evening listening to tonight liked the flowers, then I’m sure no one would argue that we shouldn’t give them flowers in case such a gesture were to be perceived as gender-stereotyping-belittling-patronising-nonsense.

So perhaps the definition of equal treatment should be flexed to reflect the different value that the two sexes place on such gestures? Any employment lawyers reading this will be cringing at the thought of the questions of legal interpretation this raises for tribunals, and as such I apologise for any distress this may have caused you. So treating men and women equally could effectively mean ‘on a level playing field’ rather than ‘exactly the same.’

Ellen has two boys aged 5 and 3 who are both at school (although the youngest is in the school’s nursery). She recently joined a brokerage firm in the City following a 6-month career break which marked the end of her involvement with the banking world, after 15 years. She has an au pair to help out at home.