Rosie's blog: Single parenting

There's a real challenge in being a single parent and having a work role that can be all consuming. For many of us, the emotional upheaval of new parenthood quickly gives way to a more settled family way of life where work and family coexist sometimes happily and often just with a lot of flying around wondering what happened to the last year/two years/decade.  But there are cases where this doesn't happen.

My husband walked out when my sons were nearly 2 and 3: looking back they were still babies. I had to resume my career at full tilt fairly quickly whilst dealing with the break-up of a 13-year relationship. When I reflect on the challenges I have faced as a single parent (for nearly 7 years) it is reassuring that many of them are not so different from the parenting issues we all face. But there are a couple of differences worth noting:

Firstly, the ex is (usually) not one's best friend any more - and this would be an understatement for many. They are not there to tell you the effort is worth it; Not there to make it home because you are stuck in a meeting; Not there to take it in turns when the children are sick.

There is also a feeling of loneliness that can be quite isolating. Celebrating the children's achievements can often feel like a one-handed clap. But this is where your family and friends, godparents etc. all have to be enlisted for help and as time passes their support remains meaningful. These people can encourage good networks and a diversity of contact that can develop really good social awareness and support for the family. And of course they can very often be counted on for babysitting duties too when evening invitations can be quite a logistical challenge, even for the hardiest singleteer!.

Divorce is still stigmatised. I understand why this is and I am a strong proponent of marriage and the family. However, relationship breakdown is really common (I still forget this) and it is important to keep a sense of perspective (not always easy). While your colleagues may not want to know all the gory details, you will need some close allies as you go through the phases of your life as a single person and as a parent.

So perhaps while a future Mr. or Ms. Right is out there for you (again), maybe next year or maybe in ten years' time, we should still remember that making family and career work with even just the occasional sense of balance is an achievement that any parent, single or not, can be proud of!.

Rosie is a partner in a City law firm with two sons aged 8 and 9. She is a single parent and works at her office in the City and at home.