Dolly's blog: Defining success

It’s that time of year when the latest round of promotions are announced and many a working mother watches and sighs as she gets overtaken by a more junior and/or childless colleague.  City institutions are nothing if not hierarchical so these things can cut deep, encouraging drop-outs at all levels.

The city has a stubborn blind spot when it comes to combining parenting and work.  Old fashioned direct discrimination still comes into play.   A few years ago a law firm was successfully sued by two junior partners who had not been promoted.  Their evidence included a chilling description of a meeting in which it was agreed that candidates for a senior job should be “preferably married, no children, white male”.  More recently another law firm lost a discrimination claim brought by a trainee who became pregnant and was not offered a job on qualification, the Tribunal holding that the recruitment requirement was reduced in order to avoid having to take her on.

Generally though I think a combination of more subtle factors take their toll, a great many of them linked to flexible and part time working.  It’s partly misconceptions about commitment and potential.  Mainly I think it’s because, in law firms at least, the metrics of success still ultimately boil down to hours, billings and new business, all of them easier to deliver when domestic demands aren’t pulling you in the opposite direction.

The female brain drain is scandalous and the resignations that depress me most are anticipatory; there seems to be a recent spate along the lines of “I can’t be a hands-on parent and still make [partner/director etc] so I might as well quit now”.  I’m still not sure if that’s realism or defeatism.  But when things stall at work it inevitably begs the “Why am I here?!” question.  Missed parenting moments seem doubly pointless.

I’ll never forget watching a journalist interview the child of successful professional parents, both of whom had died in the Philippines typhoon.  “I want to be just like her” said the girl.  “A doctor?” asked the well-meaning journalist, middle class goggles firmly in place.  “A mother” replied the girl.

There was something so powerful in that statement that it took my breath away and has stayed with me ever since.   I haven’t lost my ambition.  I just no longer view equity partnership as the be all and end all.

Dolly is an employment lawyer and partner in a London firm.  Currently working four days a week, theoretically between the hours of 9 and 5 in the manner of Dolly Parton (but with less impressive hair and reduced scope for rhinestone).  Full time wife, mother of three lovely children aged three to seven and devoted dog owner.