Tom's blog: Daddy's little princess

After watching her brothers in a school nativity play, my 2 year old daughter told me she wanted to be the King. I said that would be tricky, but she could marry Prince George and become the Queen (they are about the same age, after all). She said "oh yes Daddy!". Then I felt guilty for suggesting that the extent of her ambition should be to marry a Prince, so I told her she should instead be a strong and independent minded woman and make her own way in life. She said "oh no Daddy!".

So how does a Dad teach his daughter not to be defined by traditional female stereotypes, especially when he works in the City and his wife chooses to be a stay at home Mum?

Education plays a part. It's a bit early to be filling out her UCAS forms, but I hope we'll always encourage her properly to consider all the pathways open to her at school and college. Maybe she will be a nurse, but I hope she also considers a career as, I don't know, a construction engineer or a military test pilot. (Actually forget that last one. My nerves wouldn't take it).

Then of course role models matter a lot. Although my wife and I decided that I would go back to work and she would stay at home, at least for a while, I make sure our kids know that that was a choice, not an assumption, and that their Mummy is a very talented professional (in fact, she was better at her job than I am at mine, but sadly teaching doesn't pay anywhere near as well as City law). We also explain that other families do things differently. My daughter knows plenty of role models who are working mums. Unfortunately she doesn't see so many examples of stay at home Dads, but that is changing (and the new rules on shared parental leave will make a big difference, I think).

Then of course we have to guard against the subtle (and not so subtle) influences of children's popular culture. I'm afraid we don't subscribe to the "ban girls from wearing pink and outlaw all tiaras" school of thought, but it's hard to escape the obvious gender stereotypes on children's TV, for example. But things are changing. One of my sons' favourite characters from the Octonauts TV show is Tweak, the female marine engineer who builds and repairs the fleet of wacky submarines. And a female partner I work for, who has three young daughters, told me about the Princess Smarty Pants books, which also undermine the traditional "helpless princess marries handsome prince and has absolutely no identity or aspiration outside of that relationship" storyline. 

So, my daughter wears a lot of pink and the occasional tiara, and yes, she loves playing with her doll's house. But we do our best not to let those define her and all the signs are that she will indeed grow up to be a strong and independent minded woman and make her own way in life. In fact, if any of our three grow up to be Prime Minister, I think it will be her.

(All the same, if the Duke and Duchess should happen to read this and they'd like to set up a play date with Prince George, please do give them my number...)

Tom is a senior associate in a magic circle law firm. He is married with three children, and works fulltime with one day per week spent working at home.