Dolly's blog: The Night Shift

It's often said that working mothers might leave the office earlier but then log on from home after the kids are in bed.  Sitting in a diversity training session recently, the trainer made just that comment.  And I've lost track of the number of times I've heard working mothers themselves say they log on later at night, thereby demonstrating their commitment and professionalism.

Are we creating unsustainable standards and another stick with which to beat ourselves?

In Dolly Towers it takes about an hour to get 3 wriggling children into pyjamas, homework (sort of) done, stories read and finally into bed. Then it's straight into dinner cooking, tidying, admin, the odd phone call and hopefully some snatched conversation with my husband.   Then all of a sudden it's 9pm and we finally eat. Next day's alarm goes off at 6am so by 9.30pm I'm wondering whether to watch the last 30 minutes of 24 hours in A&E before re-loading the dishwasher and collapsing into bed (my preference) or logging on again somehow to prove my commitment (not so much).

Many working mothers do leave promptly - but just as many also start work a good hour earlier than they used to.  They might not regularly stay late, but their younger selves often spent the evenings slurping wine in All Bar One (or was that just me...).  Pretty risky to log on in that scenario.  Lunch hours?  I'm sure I'm not alone in now thinking of a non-working lunch as an extravagant rarity.  I just don't believe that when you tot it all up working mothers work a scrap less hard than their pre-child selves.  So why do we feel the need to start work all over again when the kids are down?  My fear is that this often self-imposed expectation is ultimately self-defeating.

There are of course many occasions I've eaten toast for supper and sat at the computer until midnight.  When you have to then that's that and any professional will just get on with it. But if you don't then I say don't - and don't inadvertently perpetuate the pressure to do so by making it sound normal. Women drop out for infinite reasons but one is a perception that you have to be Superwoman and that night work is the trade-off for leaving on time.  It doesn't have to be.  A sustainable career is something really worth aspiring to and a sustainable career requires some downtime.

Dolly is an employment lawyer and partner in a London firm.  Currently working four days a week, theoretically between the hours of 9 and 5 in the manner of Dolly Parton (but with less impressive hair and reduced scope for rhinestone).  Full time wife, mother of three lovely children aged three to seven and devoted dog owner