Esther's blog: Positive parenting, the next generation, and unconscious bias.

Today I'm going to blog on three apparently unrelated things which are actually interconnected.

First:  I was so impressed by the Citymothers seminar I attended on Thursday 9th October by Anita Cleare on behalf of the Positive Parenting Project, on strategies to encourage positive behaviour in our children (there are two more coming soon). It was an informative, uplifting and wise contribution to a massive subject, a subject which could with minimal adaption be applied to a difficult line manager at work, or the line manager's boss . . . even one's spouse. I hope people are inspired to follow the Triple P's guidelines and I'm wondering quite how I managed to produce such a thoughtful, energetic, focused woman as my daughter despite my not knowing any of the recommended strategies. . .  I also felt a small sting of agism, when the speaker asked us to identify ourselves depending of the age group of our children, thus, she said, from "0-4, 4- 9, 9-12 and teenagers". .What about me?!  My daughter is 30 and I can tell you parenting doesn't stop -- ever!

So on to my next thought. Last weekend my daughter was home and, on her own admission, a bit stressed out. She had a job interview to prepare for, she knew her stuff well but was having some difficulty with her organisation's HR-devised competencies, on which she knew she'd be questioned. Using the best coaching-style skills I could muster, I asked her to show me an organagram of the organisation to see how her role fitted in, we talked through the role description, the likely biasses of the interviewers and her strategy for showing off her knowledge in light of the competency descriptions. I realised there was not a chance I could have assisted her as effectively  with such preparation if I hadn't had experience of working in an organisation at a senior level, and I probably wouldn't have reached that senior level if I hadn't been able to "lean in" to my role at various critical times including when she was very little.

So to my final scenario: I'm sitting in a meeting room in the City with four senior City gentlemen and we are discussing candidates for a job.  It is important, they say, that senior people are targeted, the kind of men who have good connections with other senior businessmen, and so on, and so on. Get it?  Would you have spoken up as I did and asked it to be minuted that I wished us please to use gender neutral language in order to help address any unconscious bias that might otherwise creep into the process of selection. I felt shrill, I knew I made my male colleagues uncomfortable but I felt I had to do it. Would I have done it when I was younger, perhaps in an interview for a job? I don't know.  I'd like to think yes but I know how difficult it can be to push against the grain.  Nevertheless, unless we do it where we can, along with being good role models for our children, things will not change as they need to for a more equal society. One of the most heartening aspects of the Triple-P seminar was the significant number of male attendees. I bet they won't be quite so readily assuming the best "man" will get the job when they help their adult child, male or female, prepare for an interview.

Esther is a member of the Citymothers Steering Committee and runs the Citymothers mentoring scheme. She trained and first made her living as a musician and then worked for over two decades in the City, becoming a partner in her law firm. She now combines legal consultancy, executive coaching, performing the piano, teaching and two non-executive Board positions in what seems to have turned into a third, portfolio career.