James's Blog: The Toughest Job

"I’m three months into a four-month sabbatical during which I have been looking after my one year-old daughter.  During my daughter’s first year I worked crazy hours; only occasionally managing to catch bath time during the week, and juggling work at the weekend with domestic demands.  I thought that I was the one who had things tough and couldn’t see what all of the fuss was about when my wife complained about being tired or parenthood being difficult.  When I first applied for a sabbatical, therefore, I anticipated a rather relaxing summer of fun with my daughter.  While it has been great fun, it has been far from relaxing, and is undoubtedly the toughest job I will ever do!

The biggest surprise to me has been how relentless the job of “stay-at-home dad” has been and how little time I get to myself.  I used to think that my City job was all-consuming, however, every day it was possible to escape my desk to grab a coffee or go to the loo if I needed to.  These are luxuries that you don’t necessarily enjoy when looking after a baby!  There are also times (admittedly very occasional!) in my City job where I have a degree of control over my workload and can head home early, leaving work until the following day.  This is something that I would never dare do while on sabbatical.  I always know that tomorrow will be equally as frantic as today, and so if I don’t keep up-to-date with the cooking, washing, cleaning etc after my daughter has finally crashed for the day, I will be sucked into the maelstrom tomorrow.

I think the real reason why parenthood is tougher than any other job, however, is a product of the responsibility entailed, intense emotional aspect, and constant doubt as to whether or not you are doing the right thing.  While I have a high degree of responsibility in my City job, it is completely different to being responsible for a young life.  In order to function effectively in my City job, I need to be emotionally detached from the decisions that I make, whereas as a father my decisions and actions are heavily influenced by the strong sense of love I feel for my daughter.  And my City job is made easier by the fact that I have been through years of education and training to prepare me, which is why I am not plagued by the same doubts that I encounter as a father as to whether or not I am getting things right.

 After a few months at home with my daughter I am starting to realise that, even when she has grown up and flown the nest,  this sense of responsibility, these emotions and the constant self-doubt are unlikely to ever disappear.  It is the toughest job indeed, but when I get to see her beautiful smile each day I also know that it is the most rewarding one."

James is in his early 30s and father to a beautiful one year old girl.  He works in the legal profession but has taken a sabbatical when his wife returns to work from maternity leave, to provide childcare and spend the summer with his daughter, before returning to the office at the end of the year.