Naomi's blog: Superwoman?

"Last year a colleague of mine (also a working mum) explained why she was leaving her job. “Naomi, not everyone can have it all, like you do”).... Wow! So someone actually thinks I have it all. I do have a great job, which I work at full time. I have three gorgeous kids (aged 8, 6 and 2). A wonderful husband who is starting a new career as a primary school teacher after being a musician. So, that was great to hear.... But actually, as I sit and write this, I wonder whether my ex-colleague has got me all wrong.

First off, I do believe we started off in a very fortunate situation, whereby my husband was a working musician and so was actually around most weekdays. So the kids had always been looked after by one of their parents, with a little help from grandparents. TICK.

Second, I could throw myself into my career knowing the children were being well looked after. I am on my company’s women’s network committee which is keeping me busy championing women in finance, which I am loving. TICK.

Third, I chose my husband well... He could juggle all three kids and their various school/nursery/activity drop-offs with ease, plus the kids loved having Daddy come to pick them up. TICK.

So why was I left questioning this comment? Why was I not superwoman who had a career and happy children at home?

Because unfortunately that is not the way the world works and what appears great and seamless on the surface is inevitably not so underneath.

It has not been easy. Being the breadwinner, mother, household organiser and career woman is rather time consuming. I hardly see my kids during the week, have not always been to their shows/assemblies/activities and was never there when they were ill and needed that special cuddle. I was never there for any of their first steps, first words or most of their other firsts. That is most certainly not having it all ... very far from it.

My husband is now embarking on a fantastic new career, meaning we need to juggle childcare, but also I am now the one that gets the phonecalls when a little one is ill and needs to come home from school. It is not easy, but actually now my husband is working, there feels more of a light at the end of the tunnel. I take more of my vacation days to go to those little concerts/sports days/assemblies/shows they perform at... I don’t have all the financial pressure of being the main breadwinner in the family.... I do see the kids more often because I just have to (there is not always someone else around) .... we are together as a family more now my husband has more normal working hours and craves this special time since he is not stuck in with the kids all the working week... and one of the greatest things of all is I finally heard my husband say the words “I now know exactly how you feel” and having my partner share in all my feelings has meant we can now support each other and hopefully both be able to have something (not all)... but it’s still something".

Naomi is a specialist high yield bond trader at a large asset manager. She is married with 3 children.