Ellen's blog: So what do you want to do?

I was recently asked by a former boss and friend what I would like to do with my career. No idea. The last time someone asked me that I was 15; the careers advice at school was “so what do you want to do: Medicine or Law”? I don’t suit wigs (that’s what they do “in Law” isn’t it? Wear wigs and cross-examine the defendant?) so I chose Medicine, got a place to study it at Leeds university (after an interview for which I wore a suit jacket from my mother’s working wardrobe) but then failed to score the requisite number of points at A-level and timidly phoned the university to ask if it would be at all possible for me to attend anyway? “No” they said “right-ho” I said “well thanks very much for your time anyway” (I didn’t want to be too pushy – that’s not a very attractive quality in a young lady is it)?

I now work in financial services, having qualified as an accountant after doing my business degree (accessed via the clearing process, due to the poor A-levels)

But I still can’t answer the question “what’s your dream job”?

Like many other City Mothers I had an interview with HR prior to going on maternity leave with my first child (now aged 4), and was asked whether I wanted to return to work in the same role. I hadn’t even thought about it; my career plan was to become a millionaire mummy-entrepreneur by founding an on-line business empire involving either organic food, or perhaps organic clothes or some other organic product which is very easy to sell to new parents. I would simply strap the baby onto my back during meetings with large retailers desperate to sell my product, and spend the rest of my time counting my money and giving interviews to Sunday supplements on “How to Have It All”

I didn’t become an entrepreneur, I went back to work, got made redundant, jot a job in banking, had another baby, read “Lean In” then moved from Finance into Risk. Still don’t know what my dream job is though.

I’d like to be an actress. My family has a history in television – my Dad ended up on the cutting-room floor of the Antiques Roadshow with his bronze ostrich, so that’s bound to open some doors for me...

For now my focus is firmly on surviving one day at a time, balancing my time and attention so as to restrict feelings of neglect on the part of my employer and family to within acceptable levels. When I judge that either of these key stakeholders has grown sufficiently in maturity, I will think about leaving them to cope without me while I focus on the transition from finance to films.

Ellen works for a well-known investment bank in the City. She began her career at KPMG, before moving on to Barclays, HSBC and Aviva before joining her current employer almost three years ago.  She has two children aged three and one, who divide their working week between nursery and grandma's house.