Dolly's Blog: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Once upon a time we had a nanny.  In fact we had a couple (consecutively rather than simultaneously I should add, just in case you’re getting visions of an Angelina Jolie-esque set up here at Dolly Towers).

Both our nannies were excellent.  Not only did they cover the basics (like the school run and  kids’ laundry) but they also did the other “stuff” - from opening book bags to sorting out fancy dress costumes, baking award-worthy birthday cakes, arranging play dates and thank you letters and for two and a half glorious years I felt like someone had my back.

But luxury comes at a price, and as our overdraft got bigger, we eventually bowed to the inevitable and dipped our toes into unchartered au pair waters.  We placed a website ad and 150 or so applications flooded in.  Vetting them was bizarre – like on-line people shopping with shades of the Eurovision.  Photos of wholesome looking girls cuddling dogs got further than those replicating a glamour photo-shoot.

We settled on a 24 year old Spanish law graduate, who had lived away from home and above all a massive smile.  The dog photo probably helped too.   We met her at the airport and in the early days it looked promising.  Six months down the line and I can just about be in the same room as her, but only just.  Things that have driven me to despair include the following:

1. Sending my 5 year old to school without any socks or pants.
2. Leaving a trail of empty coffee cups around the house, all containing a tea spoon.  (When she has gone I will recreate this on occasion just to spook my husband).
3. Crashing the car into a stationary Mini convertible, puncturing our tyre having mounted one kerb too many and consistently driving into our bush.
4. Leaving the car with 1 mile’s petrol on the morning I do the school run (and was running late because no clean uniform could be found).
5. Sitting in her bedroom with the door closed for an hour whilst the six year old vegetated in front of the TV, homework untouched, and the five and three year olds let themselves out of the house and roamed around next door’s garden.

To be honest, if my 6 year old could drive then the au pair really wouldn’t bring much to the party.

You will doubtless be wondering why we haven’t just cut our losses.  A wise QC I know hit the nail on the head when I narrated my woes.  “Don’t tell me”, she said smiling at me knowingly, “she’s very smiley and the children love her”.  Spot on!

As an employment lawyer I’m good at firing people, but the concept of doing that to someone living in my house is truly horrifying.  So the best thing that happened to me last week was when our au pair announced that she had been offered a job back in Spain, working for a multinational accountancy practice.  I hope being smiley is important to them.  

With appraisal season upon us, what have I learned?  Mainly that it’s very hard to sustain a serious city job without decent childcare.  My friend reckons her au pair is as good as their old nanny and a nano-fraction of the cost.  So I’m not giving up just yet. If nothing else it’s good practice for having teenagers.

Dolly is an employment lawyer and partner in a London firm. Currently working four days a week, theoretically between the hours of 9 and 5.  She is also a full time wife and mother of three lovely children aged three to seven, and a devoted dog owner.